"Run" Through (Get it?)

Oh my God what was I thinking.

We had a "run-through" tonight for the benefit of our video sound guy, Josh, and the lighting designer, Josh. They are two different guys named Josh. The LD has a mohawk so Ali calls him Joshhawk, but that is confusing to Josh because it makes him think there's an actual bird in the room.

Act One (I HATE THIS) went not so piss-poorly. There was a performance of DARWINII going on nearby in the storefront, so I have not been speaking full-out ... which means I cannot "bring" much to the performance (as the kids say) but at least it makes sense. It has been sketched out in blocking, I have an idea of where to be. And the lines are, well ... okay, let's not talk about the lines. They exist. They are simply not accurate.

As for Act Two (AND THEN YOU DIE) well, crap. The running, all the running ... the truth is, my ass is bouncing in the most unpleasant way. This is not where I wanted to be right now. Oh well. Let's see what I can pull together in the next few weeks.

Then there's the text, thing. I mean, even that is not so horrid. We only attempted it so the designers, especially Joshhawk could get the gist of everything and have something to work with. Tomorrow afternoon, Monday, we will get this sucker into some blocking order.

Plans are coming together for Sunday's festivities. Need to go grocery shopping tomorrow, make arrangements with Mom and Dad, we may see them on Sunday, too. Weather suggest 50 degrees and partly sunny. I'd like it to be warmer, but as long as there is no snow or rain, I should be satisfied. I'd like to run around the zoo with the children.

Fail

Have You Seen Me?
Male - Answers to the name "TIGER"
Last seen on Castleton Road Thursday night 2/17/11
Look at that photo. In the upper left corner you can see my girl's smile. She loves this cat. She sleeps with this cat, or did so, until Thursday when it got out the side door and has not come back. It was in the upper 50s that night. Today there is a blanket of snow on the ground. He has been sighted in various parts of the neighborhood, or at least he was until a few nights ago.

My daughter's cat disappeared. The next night my wife was informed at a pizza party being thrown by one of the school mom's that not one, but three of my daughter's friends will be attending different schools -- not at the beginning of the school year, but starting next week. A month ago she learned another of her friends will be moving at the end of the school year. Two of her friends she made last year in first grade are in different schools now, or have moved away entirely.

I pray God that I or my wife do not get hit by a truck in the near future, I am seriously concerned about my eight year-old developing a deep fear of commitment.

Where did I go wrong? Why do I not have a higher paying job, why am I not more successful in my chosen career?

Why did I not choose a different career?

I would like to think I send my kids to public school for altruistic reasons. I believe deeply in public education, especially now when it is so severely under attack. And I like the school she goes to. But the truth of the matter is I could not afford to send my children to a private school if I wanted to. That is the fact.

I cannot protect my children's pets, cannot find them, cannot keep them from running away. I have no illusions about finding this animal. An indoor cat, we have read all of the information about how far afield they may or may not roam, and heard apocryphal stories about how cats just come back, sometimes after days and days. I do not believe this. Tiger is miles away, or dead, or seriously injured, or freezing in someone's garage. I cannot save him. And it is my fault.

I allowed my son to have a horrible domestic accident which broke his skull and has left him with a long, dramatic scar on the back of his head. He likes having his hair cut very short, so it is there all the time, a constant reminder to me of my utter failure to be vigilant. It was not an accident. It was a lack of responsibility.

And this takes us back to my original sin, not knowing the signs. My first child died because I was ignorant, feckless, full of guile, stepping into a dangerous and unknown world like I was walking into a bar or a department store. Just looking around.

I have no idea what I am doing. I never have.

UPDATE: 2/23 Cat came back last night, safe and sound and none the worse for wear. He actually keeps trying to get outside, I think he had quite an adventure and is ready for more. We are still stressed at home, but for now there was a little more to celebrate, and a cloud has lifted from over my girl.