A major medical issue

Our absent instructor returned briefly today. She wants to see if the kids can't pull together the act they were working on before she left two weeks ago. Frankly, I don't know if I would have been able to come back under similiar circumstances. I really admire her dedication to the program.

We had sent her a card last week. Most wishes were of the could-be-any-tragedy variety. "We're thinking of you," that kind of thing. Heartfelt, but vague. I think someone wrote "hope you're feeling better" but I believe that was one of the kids who'd gotten their hands on it and thought it was a Get Well Soon card. There had been no general announcement about her absence, though I frankly told any student who asked me about it directly. Gentle, but frank.

Isn't that a Noel Coward play? Gentle, But Frank?

Even today I heard her situation refered to as a "major medical issue."

Yes. It sure is major.

Anyway, I was the only one writing a paragraph on the card. What you'd expect, "sorry for your loss," mentioning to boy by name, I hope you'll let me contact if you need someone to listen ... I think I cryptically ended, "I know about this."

I was on my way back to class this morning after picking up the students' journals, and she was coming down the stairs. It was just a shocked, I just gave her a big hug, I almost started crying right there. I can't explain it, I hardly know this woman, but there it is.

And yes, it was pre-eclampsia. She said she'd never heard the term before, and now she knows everything. At least, you know, as much as any of us do, which isn't much. "Why don't they tell us about this?" she asked. I mentioned What To Expect When You're Expecting and she was a step ahead of me. She skipped the chapter it tells you to skip, the one which would have helped you keep an eye out for symptoms. What is the fricking point, I don't get it.

Pretty early case, at something like 23 weeks. Must have hit her hard and fast. She went in with "hypertension" and they could tell right away the boy was in distress. She was induced, she had him, but he was too little. She got to be with him, alive, if briefly. He opened his eyes. These are the good things you can count on one hand.

She says she's glad for the things I wrote. She didn't know about Calvin, but I'm not in the habit of telling pregnant women I've just met that my first child died. I don't think it would have clued her in even if I had, who would it have done?

I'll see her again tomorrow, she's determined to get something together for the culminating event next week. We'll talk more.

Promise

Pre-eclampsia breakthrough hope

Scientists are claiming a breakthrough which could lead to a test and cure for the pregnancy disorder pre-eclampsia.

"The US National Institutes of Health team found women with pre-eclampsia had high levels of two proteins several months before developing the condition. The research, published in the New England Journal of Medicine, was compiled after analysing blood tests from 4,500 pregnant women. Experts said a cure and early test was still likely to be a long time away ..." (more)

Apologies for my absence, it has been a jam-pakced month. I will get back soon and report on a number of issues, including but not limited to my high school reunion, my brother's wedding, Hamlet, forensic competitions on the West Coast, IHT performance updates and all the rest ... maybe.

Thanks to Brian for the link. Nice, generic photo, guys.

"The Disease of Theories"

THE PREECLAMPSIA PUZZLE
Making sense of a mysterious pregnancy disorder.
by Jerome Groopman
New Yorker, July 24, 2006

... After just two months of work, Karumanchi had a promising result. “I was sifting through all of these data, and I said to myself, ‘It can’t be this obvious,’ ” he recalled. “ ‘It can’t be the predominant factor in preeclampsia, because people would have discovered it by now.’ This couldn’t be just waiting for me.” (more)

Headache

Every night is awful. It used to be that she would get terrible indigestion just as she got into bed -- and then there was the snoring. 

She is now used to having the indigestion (it is still no picnic, but she is used to it) and I got earplugs -- and just as I was used to those, she now develops terrible head and neck aches in the middle of the night and I rouse myself to rub her head or neck or whatever. She then sleeps in the morning and I feel like shit.

Yesterday (or the day before) she said she never wants to have a baby again and I think she means it. I think I never want her to have a baby again. 

Of course, I was never kidding myself (though I think she was) into believing a pregnancy would be easy. Nothing else is easy, she was always been susceptible to slight alterations in her physical condition. She becomes faint easily, succumbs to heat, she is ill very, very often. I mean, she gets sick all the time and she always has.

After last weekend she missed Monday, half of Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from work -- and then her boss said some unfair things to her over the phone, about Toni warning them at the beginning of the week about not coming in, and worse, on Friday when she did get into work the boss suggested we threw a holiday dinner party (one which this woman did not even attend) to make up for lost hours last semester.

Toni may have missed a lot of time at work over this pregnancy, but her boss sounds truly fucked-up for some of the things she said to Toni this week and it has made Toni furious.

Would she be getting headaches anyway? I say yes, the books say yes, but this gives her something to really focus on.

For the moment

How is Toni?

Good question. Again, last night, she was up a good portion of the night. After Saturday, she did not go to work on Monday, then tried on Tuesday but could only make it through half of the day. She took another suppository that night but was determined last night not to, hence she was awake. Achy, stiff, pain in her stomach.

She thinks she picked up a flu bug that simply has not gone away -- she cannot take the kind of drugs that would defeat such a virus, they would harm the fetus. So she muddles through. She did not attend the Bradley class last Sunday, but I did. I recorded it for her, but she hasn't listened to the recording, it is still sitting on my desk.

How is the Fetus/Creature?

We do not know. It is upsetting to me that she has been so continually ill throughout the pregnancy, and I do not just mean nauseous, Toni is regularly nauseous at the best of time. I mean sick, writhing in pain, not getting any sleep.

Sometimes I think Toni thinks I am not taking the baby seriously. I know I do not do my reading ... but I do clean the cat box and feed the cats, something she should not do, and I wash the dishes and do all of the picking up, i maintain the order of the house, such as i is so she can be free to be pregnant.

Wait, we're not talking about me yet. The baby.

So the baby, which used to do amniotic backflips, has settled down a lot. We do not know if this is because it is growing very fast now (we are entering the seventh month, getting there ...) or because of all of the medication has affected it. Is it a lot of medication? Who knows, I wish I had asked, but if the midwife said it was all right, maybe it is. We do not know.

What can you do but worry? There's no turning back.

I sing to it when I think to. Beatles songs, Toni tries to get me to sing proper children's songs, I want to sing Cole Porter. I think children's songs are childish. I don't know what effect this will have on the baby, maybe it will arrive smoking a reefer.

How is Dave?

Good question. Little regular sleep and lots of other things going on, it has been quite a strain.

Monday we bought a new board game, listened to CDs and enjoyed each others' company.

Tuesday we watched "The Contender" on video.

Last night friends came over and we ate corned beef sandwiches and played a board game.

Tonight I got Indian food for Toni (it is quite the restorative for her, calm, comforting) and spent the evening ... well, it's just nine and I already took out the trash, put leftovers in plasticware, and here I am writing, something I never do.

I feel more private. Work is work. Home is home. Play is play. In theater all those things overlap. But this feels nice, for the moment.