Oops.

It’s too early to get paranoid, it really is.

Theatermania.com has put up their Fringe 2004 page – and we weren’t featured. They were holding out for payment, and who could blame them. Only we sent a check last week. I don’t know what is up with that, but we took care of it early today … and I look to see if our show is listed and it isn’t and I send this short email to them asking where is it … and then I see it and send an equally brief, contrite (is that a word?) message … but when I check the page the graphic (you know, the one with the blackmail font) is missing – it’s just not there, and I refresh and it’s still not there, and then I fear I have offended someone, so I called them.

I am such a little weenie.

However, it has been a big day for promotional doubt. I printed the Fringe Guide – it’s got the entire schedule, you can get your as a PDF file from the FringeNYC site – and, man, a whole lot of people bought ads, and they really do sell the show. I was looking at all the ads and none of the listings. We bought a big ad when ANGST:84 went to New York three years ago, but when I took one out for the Fringe guide in Minnesota, I found I was one of maybe a half-dozen shows that bothered to.

When I was beginning college, I got an advertisement in the mail for a "Freshmen 1986" guide or something like that, it looked official, like it came from the university, and I thought it might be nice to have a year-booky, orientation, memory-type thing with the pictures of the Class of 1990 or whenever we thought we might graduate. And, of course, it was some stupid, cheap thing, that not very many people fell for.

Okay, I didn’t feel that stupid about buying an ad in the Minnesota guide, and it probably helped. But I am looking at this year’s FringeNYC guide and thinking "oops."

The Next Stage

Harris attended the meeting at The Next Stage yesterday, and now we have a much better idea of where I will be performing.

My living room. That’s what he said, start rehearsing in my living room. There’s even a fireplace. The air conditioner? It’s going to be behind me. It’s a small room, the stage is 12’ x 12’. There’s a piano in the room that cannot be moved. The idea of projecting slides has to be reworked. And, as he puts it, the sound operator will have to sit on the light operator’s shoulders.

Some of the other companies were miffed at what they found. Not me. I am looking forward to it. The last performance I had (okay, not counting the Rock Hall at 5 in the morning) we had no light cues, only sound and slides. It felt a lot more intimate, even though it was in a lecture hall, there was less artifice. That worked extremely well.

As for the slides, I have suggested getting a monitor, and using that, off to the side of the stage. The place is small enough, I think that would do just fine.

And of course, they were extremely helpful when it came to rescheduling our technical rehearsal. We will be putting the show together in two hours on Aug. 17, our opening date.

What's On David's iPod?

Zelda is.
(Thanks for asking.)

Local Media

Sarah Morton and I had a joint interview with Linda Eisenstein for the Cleveland Plain Dealer this afternoon. Even though our shows don’t open for several weeks, this story will run in time to get the word out for the Dobama performance on the 12th.

Linda is a playwright in her own right (write?) and asked a lot of really good questions about how artists influence other artists – the conversation just naturally flowed in that direction, I guess, because of the extent to which Sarah and my works have influenced each other’s. That surprises me, actually, I still think of myself as a novice writer or playwright, and I see Sarah as this genius, the idea of my having an effect on her work is flattering.

But the facts remain – I directed her first one-woman show, The Eighth Wonder of the World in 1998. That was the same year I also acted in her Love In Pieces and Eight Impressions of a Lunatic, the year Sarah told Linda she called the "David Hansen" year, though I referred to it as the "Sarah Morton" year.

Now, in spite of my being a great admirer of her work, I would have found it difficult to write my own one-person show without going to the 2001 Fringe and seeing the variety of solo shows I did. Sarah is an amazingly poetic writer, and she has a much broader vocabulary than I do. It was hard to think of writing for myself without thinking my work had to be 'heightened' in some way. However, I decided to just be myself with this story, tell it, use my journals, why not? It works for Trent Reznor.

Meanwhile, having broached such an intensely personal subject, Sarah says seeing IHT made it possible for her to feel comfortable (if that is the right word) tackling her own demons with 4 Minutes to Happy.

"Fubu"

"We just had our first line of urban apparel? Do you mean FUBAR?" - Brian

I might have meant FUBAR, but I think I really meant BUFU which means something similar, but a lot less passive.

G.O.D.

Harris is our man in New York (we have a woman in New York, too – Hi, Liz!) and he is acting as ACR at a technical meeting this afternoon. We will be asking the important questions, checking with other companies about getting a screen, or using our projector, or whatever deals he can carve. And he will have a camera, so we will have photos of the space tonight.

And then I will have a much better idea of where I will be, literally, on the 17th.

I pressed Harris for a bio earlier for the program and he asked what his title was and I said "Technical Operator" unless there was something else he preferred. He told me … and I suggested instead we call him "General Operations Director" so we don’t offend anyone.

AIR CONDITIONING

Yes, it is a lot of fun to open an email from your Authorized Company Representative that begins:

DO NOT PANIC WHEN YOU READ THIS EMAIL!!!

We have had our first major fubu. Every show gets one tech rehearsal, the duration is dictated by the length of your show. Our show opens Tuesday, Aug. 17. Our technical rehearsal has been scheduled for Tuesday, Aug. 10.

A full week before our show opens. And four days before we can leave for New York. Suddenly the fact that the space we are booked for - the space a number of the shows we are sharing it with will also find surprising – which was touted for it’s a/v capabilities, has neither a projector nor a screen.

We have our own projector. The screen is a minor inconvenience. The tech rehearsal hurts.

Anyway, Brian is working on it, and Grundik will hopefully be able to work something out with the space. Hopefully. I am not sure what comes next if he can’t, but we are a small show, with very limited tech. Actually, I think all the shows in that space are, but hey, uh … we’re from Cleveland.

That’s the bad news. The good news? AIR CONDITIONING!

That’s going on the website. AIR CONDITIONING!

Happy birthday to me.

New developments: Harris has found a rocking chair in NYC. I always need a new rocking chair, it’s like the drummer in Spinal Tap. I had one in Cleveland, it split. Denny found one in Minnesota; I bought it, brought it home, it split.

Harris’ rocking chair is metal. Take that.

You can now download the haunting opening melody from the show, composed by the incomparable Dennis Yurich.

Calliope Katherine Koesters!

Nick and Carolyn had a baby!

Calliope was born Thursday, July 22 at 8:16 am at Lakewood Hospital. She weighed 7 pounds and was 20 and 1/4 inches long. Meg Chamberlain performed as doula. Everyone is "happy and healthy."

Gen X. Our kids' names rock.

What’s On David’s iPod?
Slow (Chemical Brothers Mix)
Kylie Minogue
Music from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
(Metrosexual? Please, we prefer ‘fey’.)

Lush Life

When Toni and I were honeymooning we came across this fabulous skin product shop in Vancouver called LUSH. Their entire deal is that their stuff is "handmade" and contains "natural" ingredients. Whatever. We just love what they make and it’s a real guilty pleasure.

One a year or so we get a box of happy things from them, and as time goes by I think I get more stuff for me than Toni does for herself.

I have developed an unhappy T-zone which is delighted by the exfoliating effects of my new bar of Fresh Farmacy as well as a post-shower treatment of Imperialis (contents include lavender, mullein leaf, orange blossom water and olive oil, among a number of lovely butters.) I also have a new shaving mucilage, as well as a body bar that fairly reeks of patchouli.

I like being a girl.

Hair Loss

Next question: How in the hell did a local "hair restoration" business get their hands on 1) my parents address in Lakewood attached to 2) my birth name, which I have not used since 1986, replete with the information that 3) I have male pattern baldness?

These places infuriate me. They begin by stating "hair loss has plagued mankind for centuries," and reassure me that "with the advances of medical technology, there is no reason to suffer from hair loss."

F*** you very much, is all I can say, I am not plagued, and neither do I suffer. You know, I got a hairpiece once, for a show. Never used it again, I think it looks ridiculous. I named it Hell Toupee.

I never had a nice time with my hair, I could never do anything with it. I have to conduct a poll among my friends who go back that far – which, admittedly, number about two – and ask whether I looked better then or now.

What really irks me is how neurotic guys are about hair loss. I think I was better off losing so much so fast when I was young. I started thinning when I was 22 or 23 and was pretty much where I am now in about six years. Any social adjustment I needed to make took place a long time ago, and the only people I know who make jokes … well, okay, the only person who makes jokes is Nick. What a surprise.

What’s On David’s iPod?
Closer
Nine Inch Nails
The Downward Spiral
(Old school. This is old school.)

Bizarre Milestone

Ten years ago this Friday, I committed adultery. This, in and of itself, was not unusual. My wife and I had both gotten into the habit. I was about to turn 26. She was about to turn 24. It is, I imagine, something a lot of young couples do, or at least more than you might imagine.

What makes this date worth noting is that unlike previous dalliances (I would never have used the word ‘dalliance’ when I was 26, it would have made me feel old) was that the woman to whom I made what an entirely successful pass was an old high school friend of my wife.

That friend is named Toni.

It became, you can safely assume, a horrible, wonderful mess. And in hindsight you can speculate on the correctness of Toni’s and my decisions, but I wouldn’t give us that much credit. We were not clairvoyant, but we did fall in love, and there was little else we could do about that.

The wife (now the ex-wife) and I had been married for a few days shy of eighteen months at that point. Zelda will be a few days shy of eighteen months on Friday. I used to think my ex-wife and I hadn’t been married very long when Toni and I started fooling around, but when I put it that way I am not so sure.

In any event, I was listening to an awful lot of Nine Inch Nails back then.

Ten years is a very long time. I assume my ex-wife still despises me, she attempted to be in touch with me in 1999, five years ago (five years was also the amount of time between when she and I began dating and when we decided to get divorced: 1989 to 1994) but that turned out to be a mistake, she seemed to think I was still cheating on her or that I cared what she thought of that. I admit, I can use all the friends I can get, but it’s been a long time since I thought I needed forgiveness for what turned out to be the right decision.

Man. Toni and I were together for seven years before we lost Calvin. And it’s been only three years since then. And soon I turn 36. On my eighteenth birthday (1986) I changed my name to David. That means David is turning eighteen.

I thought of emailing my ex-wife this year. Another five years, why not? But I couldn’t figure out why, either, so I haven't. Recently she had her first child, a son. He lives. His name has the same number of letters as Calvin’s, has four out of six of the same letters as Calvin’s, and sounds like Calvin, if you say it while holding your own tongue. Don’t blame me if I thought that was really weird. Though probably not nearly as weird as your imagining me worrying all that through.

Or any of the rest of it.

What’s In David’s iPod?
All Night
Sam Phillips
A Boot & A Shoe
(Christians need to get laid, too.)

Describe Your Art, Please. Do Not Panic.

More free publicity – check out nytheatre.com’s FringeNYC exclusive previews. It’s great, you only have to answer these three questions:

1. What is your show about?
2. Why should audiences see your show?
3. What can audiences expect when they see your show?

Toni and I fretted over the text for our preview piece (oh ... uhm, I mean Tommy did) for some time on Saturday. It’s not as easy as you might think.

But the results are very good - people get to go into some detail about their show in a way their one line on the FringeNYC site can’t. Suddenly I have a desire to see THE BICYCLE MEN or BROWNTOWN where I may not have considered them before.

And then there are those whose previews do not help at all, I am sorry to say. YOU WILL LAUGH!!! (they desperately wail) YOU WILL LAUGH AND LAUGH – OH GOD THIS WILL BE THE FUNNIEST THING YOU WILL EVER SEE !!!!!!!!! JESUS CHRIST THIS IS FUNNY, PLEASE, PLEASE BELIEVE ME!!!!!! AAAAUUUGGGGHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s only July, and I smell flop sweat.

As for me, us, our show … well, how is this; "You can expect to see a man talking about his dead child for an hour and ten minutes." Yes, I should have written that. Or how about, "You will not see him cry, he will never scream, you will not be made to feel uncomfortable, we really, really, really promise."

One of the things Toni (I mean Tom) really dislikes about what … our company submitted is the use of the word "acceptance." It suggests we are all right with Calvin’s death, or that we are "over it." I suggested other words and phrases like "acquiesce" or "surrender" or "give in."

Other words … Tom avoided using in the preview (and would have recommended to others, had they asked) were poignant, uplifting, heal and laugh.

Oh and "resigned," that was another good one we threw out. We also made sure we did not suggest our play is a musical.

THE FUTURE ... and the past

Toni went to see Fahrenheit 9/11 last night. She was impressed by a number of things - and by impressed I mean it left an emotional impression on her – but the one which is most relevant in this context was his handling of the attack in New York itself. This is probably old news by now, but he leaves the screen black, with just the sound of the planes striking the Towers.

Seeing the image of that horrible occurrence – again – is unnecessary to revisit the horror, the grief, the sadness, the helplessness, all of it.

I have a scene in my play called THE FUTURE, which details my reaction to those events. September 11 was almost six months after we lost Calvin. We were going through our own grief process, and suddenly, so was absolutely everyone else. And new trauma, even entirely unrelated trauma, can rip open old wounds. I tried to write about that in a way that made sense to my audience.

That worked in Cleveland. And Minneapolis. But I didn't think it would work in New York. Not the way I had written it. I invite the audience in; yes, we were all on the same page for a moment, you were with me then. Because my audiences to date weren’t there, they were watching it on t.v or listening on the radio, as I was.

So I have rewritten it. And rewritten it. I have been trying to make it work. Without sounding apologetic. Without sounding provincial. Without sounding petty, or insensitive or super-self-absorbed. I lost a child. I do not know if I will be addressing someone who lost a brother or a parent – or a child – in those attacks.

And I hate that. I hate defining this part of my play by what I do not want it to be.

This is where Toni’s experience with Michael Moore’s film comes in. She says it’s best to be honest. Just tell my audience what’s happened, what I meant to say, and say that.

I am strongly considering doing that. Just throwing the thing out, turning up the house lights, explaining the situation and moving on.

This is a shame, because as it is THE FUTURE has one of the biggest laughs in the show. And as a performer, I am trying to figure out how to keep as much funny as I can. But as the playwright, I need to figure out how best to serve the story.

Amazing how controversial this one scene is. I guess that makes sense. Some find its inclusion a distraction from Calvin’s story, but it isn’t his fault he had to die in 2001.

What’s In David’s iPod?
A Little Less Conversation
Elvis Presley (JXL Radio Edit Remix)
Elvis 30 #1 Hits
(Yes. Cheese. I know.)

Road Trips

Toni and I love road trips. It is a little stunning to me to learn that the loss of Flight 800 was eight years ago today. On July 18, 1996 we took off for Maine via Canada – with stops in Niagara Falls, Toronto, Montreal, Quebec City and onto Friendship, MA – and our first meal on the road was at this great bar and grill in western New York, by the Canadian border. The crash was all over the t.v.

This time four years ago we were in the middle of our first (and to date, only) drive into the South. Not the Deep South, but we drove down to Memphis, east to the Outer Banks, and back home via Monticello and Athens. It was a big, three-week trip. It was supposed to be our last great voyage before our first child was born. But things rarely turn out how you plan.

Memphis was a real shock. I never understood Elvis until I got to Graceland. No, I’m being serious. You would think someone who never really enjoyed old-time rock and roll would find the place overdone and tacky, some small-time hick’s idea of opulence. And I guess some of that racist b.s. still clanks around in the back of my head or I wouldn’t have been able to write that. But I found the place charming, innocent; a boy’s idea of what a mansion should be like. Folks mock the Jungle Room, but I think it’s hysterical – as in, I get the joke, Elvis, you’re all right. I wish I had a waterfall in my living room.

This Fringe is going to be different. One thing I am not looking forward to is all the time I will be spending away from Toni, that will be a first. She is going to stay home with Zelda, and fly in for the weekend. I will be entirely on my own in New York, which – apart from one weekend in October, 2001 – is something new. At least by staying at Erin’s I will be familiar with the neighborhood, it’s close to where Harris lives. I will know where to get coffee … well, hell, you can get coffee anywhere. But I won’t feel entirely like a rube.

I am hoping I will be so busy I won’t notice their absence. But even spending a few hours away from Zelda when directing AM REV drove me a little despondent. Hopefully it will keep me on the street, handing out flyers, talking up the show.

Details

I spent last night designing the program in an attempt to take care of last-minute things first.

Our theatermania.com page is up. There was a bit of "controversy" (the quotes are to suggest there wasn’t really that much controversy) regarding the "logo" (those quotes denote a certain confusion regarding the word logo – I think quotation marks are used far too "much" for too many "stupid" reasons.)

Warning:piddling details ahead.

I was asked for a 100x150 image to use as a graphic. I gave them a shot of me holding the empty shoes. But it was vertical and not horizontal, they wanted horizontal. But I have no shots that work horizontally – square, perhaps, but not horizontal. So I gave them the Big Shoes/Little Shoes shot, extracted from the larger, sitting portrait.

The editor at theatermania.com, Melissa McNall, said she could work with it. Her use of the word "work" (here I used quotes where I might otherwise italicize) suggested she wasn’t entirely happy with it.

When I opened the page last night, I discovered they had added text to the photo – "I Hate This" in some kind of ransom-note font. I felt sort of foolish, I didn’t know she meant they wanted text, I could have provided the "Chinese Rocks" font I use for all the other promotions, but I didn’t get it.

But you know, I don’t care. I like the graphic they came up with.

Invitations

Tech News

Just heard from Grundik Kasyansky, our Venue Director for the Next Stage.

Grundik! That totally rocks!

The other shows at the Next Stage during the Fringe are:

The End of the Line
Le Fromage de Mon Oncle
Gork! The Retard Always Wins
Tinh Ruot Thit
Scarlet Sees the Light
Show Ho
Two Johns
Black Martian
Common Knowledge
Haole (Pronounced How-Lee)
and
Haven: A New Play with Music about Refugees and America

Twelve shows. One venue. A delightful recipe for chaos.

What’s In David’s iPod?
Clark Gable
The Postal Service
"Give Up"
(Thanks for asking.)

Invitations

Question now is whether or not I can get an audience for the free performance of I Hate This on August 12. A happy send-off would be appreciated. A lot of folks have seen the show – and a lot have not. Yes, I discourage pregnant women and the husbands of same from attending (my show is like a roller-coaster in that way, among others) and I have known people who have experienced dicey situations with the births of their living children who simply do not want to see this, and I respect that, too.

But how do I reach those who I have met in my travels the past two years who have not had the opportunity or weren’t paying attention? Getting in touch with them has been occupying a great deal of my attention the past few days.

We went to "Zoo Parents’ Night" last night, because we are the adoptive parents of an Asian small-clawed otter at the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo. Usually it’s a thrill visiting the zoo after hours (the times are 6-9 pm – they do this once a year around Bastille Day) and we did have fun but it was odd because it was so dark, overcast and rainy. The girl had a ball.

This morning I cut my run short to scavenge a Little Tykes bike from someone’s trash and schlep it home – a bike just like the one at Turtle Park that she loves me to push her around on so much. It cleaned up very well.

What’s In David’s iPod?
Fit But Don’t You Know It
The Streets
A Grand Don't Come For Free
(Thanks for asking.)

Running

So yes, physical fitness is part of the game. I am an intermittent runner. Shame, I did not participate in the July 4th five-mile in Bay Village this year, AM REV had kept me from taking care of myself in any manner, whatsoever.

I have a dream that involves jogging every morning I am in NYC in Central Park. Wouldn’t that be lovely? Always wanted to do that. At Fringe ’01 two of us promised to do that together and neither of us ever did. Just too much staying up late, getting up late, and too many hot days.

The good people at Great Lakes Theater Festival have seen clear to rendering me unemployed for July and August, which is a blessing, as it means Toni can make up lost time at her job and I have been spending a great deal of extra time with Zelda.

And snacking. I need to be sure I can fit in my jeans for the show. Also, I don’t want to be caught off-guard when the time comes to do all the requisite walking that comes with spending time in a real city.

A few days ago Sarah asked for the notes from the Linklater vocal warm-up I used to lead people in during the Night Kitchen days. Damn. I wish I was that responsible ... I have resumed running, I will begin re-pounding the lines into my head today, do I have to care for my voice, too?

Julie

For two years, I have feared Julie.

As a subject in my play, Julie’s reaction has always been the one I have been most concerned about – more than I was of Henrik’s. This is because there is more of Julie than Henrik in I HATE THIS … but that, it would appear upon further reflection, probably has something to do with it. But I digress.

When I originally wrote the play, in mid-2002, I knew I would need to let her know she would be included, and by name, and perhaps in a not-too flattering manner.

When did I let her know? On August 26, 2002, the day of the very first staged reading.

It should be noted, more to my shame, that I was so concerned about how she would react to this news that I was blithely ignorant of the fact that the day before her daughter Alexandra had had her first birthday. And I plainly state the date of her birth in the play.

Julie took it in stride. She is used to being the subject of my writing. I neglected, however, to actually share the script with her.

Now, as a matter of great coincidence, Nick was at a New Year’s party thrown by a mutual friend of theirs – Nick and Julie’s. When they met, and he figured out who she was, in typical Nick fashion, his head exploded. Nick now has the unique experience of having met pretty much everyone in the play. After meeting Julie, Nick admonished me for not having shown her the play yet, and instructing me to do as soon as possible.

I waited until May.

And now she has read the script. I phoned her a short while ago. She praised the play, and was not offended. When I said I was performing it in Cleveland in August, she immediately started thinking of how she could bring the kids and manage to see it.

In college I wrote a comic strip. Julie says that while we were dating, she learned more about our relationship through that than from talking to me.

Along those lines, she was flattered at how much attention I had given her in what is such an important story to me.

First Production Meeting

Our first production meeting was last night. One of the great reliefs of this run is that so much of what is normally uncertain when undertaking a theatrical endeavor … isn’t. We can spend more time discussing parking, load-in and other technical concerns, rather than exactly what the rehearsal schedule is. That part’s easy – one rehearsal on Wednesday, Aug. 10, before the free preview performance at Dobama on Thursday. I just need to be sure I have the show worked back into my head before then, with all the little changes I have made since October.

One major topic last night was how to get the word to health care professionals in the NYC area. I used to concentrate on people who have coped with neo-natal demise, and I would still like them to come and hear the story, but the response I got at the Walker center last October from midwives, doctors and nurses was pretty amazing. They took it as a real education.

Fringe Shows

And I have already begun creating a list of shows I will want to see in New York. I wondered weeks ago if we would venture uptown to catch something on Broadway or elsewhere but given our schedule, I know I will be sticking to the Fringe. Still, there’s only one show, so far, I know I will be seeing:

Mossadegh
Writer:Michael Minn
Director: Michael Minn
In 1953, Iran had a democratically elected government. This is how the C.I.A. solved that problem. Driven by a power-pop score performed by a four-piece band, Mossadegh brings to life a pivotal moment in America foreign policy. Historical. Relevant. Loud.
0h 45m Local Drama Musical
www.mossadeghrocks.com

Yes, yes, yes, campers! Now that’s fringey goodness. Check out the website for MP3s of the songs. Rock on, Mossadegh!

And now for my next mood swing …

Lucky me.

SpinCycle is the marketing firm (is that what you call it?) that works with FringeNYC to get the word out about the shows. There are 220 shows this year. They no doubt send a great deal of time deciding which shows they feel afford more attention and which less

Ron Lasko is the main contact person for SC, and months ago he asked me to send a copy of the script. At the time I hoped that might be auspicious, but it was so long ago to me that I had forgotten. And then I did that girly-spaz thing two weeks ago where I panicked and sent some kind of pathetic email about "oh dear me, I missed a deadline, what do I DO?" He was very kind, he must get 100 of those a day.

What has happened, so far, is that he shared my show with the folks at theatermania.com, a prominent New York theater website, and one of their guys, Dan Bacalzo, was in touch with me today.

We had what I thought was one of my better interviews. He was asking me questions about how I came up with this, and what it is like to perform it, say, in front of relatives (more on that later) but also questions that were less weighted, like ‘why the New York Fringe?’ which I was only to thrilled to go on at length about – seeing as how that has so much to do with Toni and my relationship and how we started dating when she still lived there, and all kinds of sweet thoughts like that.

What I managed to avoid in this interview, which has proved very difficult, was defining the show in any way by what it is not. "It’s not depressing," I have said, or "I don’t cry or scream in it." These facts are true, but hardly selling points.

If it makes it in, Dan’s article will appear in their print version, which is dropped at locations all over Manhattan.

We are doing a lot of sweating over how we will rise above the hurly and get people in to see our show – I will no doubt bore any blog-followers with the finer points of promotion, but hey, that’s what I do – and this is going to be a great help.

Meanwhile …

Here is a public declaration of love to my brother Henrik, whom I worshipped as a child, and who has been a model of fatherhood to me. I would not be who I am without your strong, unwavering example, nor your wit, nor your faith.

If this play I have written has revealed anything to me, it is that people can change, life continues, and anything can be forgiven, if forgiveness is called for.

Workin' It
I am helping Sarah Morton promote her show in NYC. It is a shame we are going to entirely miss each other, our run will be through before hers even begins. Man, the New York Fringe is long. I will be designing her postcards and poster, and will help get the word out in advance of her arrival.

The show is 4 Minutes to Happy. See it.

Learned today that the folks from Inverse Theater will be on retreat the weekend of my performance, another drag. They came to catch AM REV in Cleveland a few weeks back and I was really looking forward to their checking this show out.

We have a space in Cleveland for a free, brush-up performance – Thursday, August 12 at Dobama. Thank heavens for Dobama, thank heavens for Joyce Casey.

Now, if we could only afford to get to New York …

The Schedule!
Great news – just got my schedule for NYC. Having worked on two Fringes already, I am wondering if this isn’t a superior schedule to those. My first performance isn’t until a Tuesday, but I learned in 2001 that opening the NYC Fringe is not auspicious. Not every one knows it’s happening yet, or has got it together to go. The opening shows act as promotion for those that follow.

So I have a solid second weekend run, with performances Thursday, Friday (late!), Saturday (prime time!) and Sunday (matinee!) It looks and sounds ideal. And with that Tuesday performance stands the only chance I have of getting a review of prominence. Not that I have much chance, not against Jonestown: The Musical or John Walker: The Musical or An Evening of Semi-Autobiographical, Highly Self-Indulgent Theater.

Actually, I made up one of those titles. Guess which one? Okay, no, I didn’t make up any of those titles.

And we are performing at THE NEXT STAGE which is in the Village, a million miles from Fringe Central. Actually, it’s only three—quarters of a mile, but it will feel like forever. Except – hey! We’re in the Village!

Things have gone a great deal more calmly today. Yesterday’s little hissy-fit came under control thanks to a little extra digging on my part, as well as some reassuring words from Sarah Morton. The fact is, the deadline fine-print read something like "You MUST have your press materials to SpinCycle no later than JUNE 5th – and failing that, well, they better be in by JULY 5th" or something to that effect.

We UPS’ed the promo mats, they arrived today. And you know, Ron at SC had asked for a copy of my script a month or so ago, did I send materials with it? See, I just need to take a few breaths. It’s already a hot summer for me.

Fortunately, the reviews for AM REV were largely positive. Now I spend all my nervous energy on this.

Publicity nightmare

Oh Jesus Christ, what a nightmare. What the hell is wrong with me? I have been so hideously distracted by THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION to keep my mind on anything else. There was a major FringeNYC press deadline two weeks ago and for some reason, I just missed it. Just wasn’t paying attention. That’s not like me.

God, I am stressed out. I feel like I am going into this with my head squarely up my butt. Again, that’s not like me. Last year it was all mapped out so carefully, and now I keep stumbling, every step of the way.

Letters from Professor D.'s Class

Hey Mr. Hansen,

My name is Kelly and I am in Jill D.'s Critical Writing course at NYU this summer. I was hoping you would answer a few questions for me concerning "I Hate This" and the New York Fringe Festival. As she mentioned we are writing a preview of the NYC Fringe Festival. Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

-So, the Fringe Festival received over 800 applications. Why do you think they chose to include "I Hate This" in the Fringe Festival line up? What will it add to the Festival?

-What are your thoughts about being included in the Fringe Festival? What are you most looking forward to?

-And lastly, the subject of "I Hate This" isn't one men usually discuss their feelings about. This has to add another dimesion to the subject. What do you hope audiences walk away from "I Hate This" with?

Thank you so much in advance for you time. I hope the summer months go well for you as you prepare for the NYC Fringe Festival. I look forward to hearing from you--no rush though.

Wishing you safe travels,

Kelly B.

Hey Ms. B.,

Your first question is a good one, though not one I am sure I can answer. I first became acquainted with the festival in 2000 when I happened upon it when visiting the city. Since then I attended again in 2001 as a participant (my wife Toni wrote a play produced in 2001, I was part of the crew) and have kept tabs on it as people I know were involved in ’02 and ’03. I am curious as to what their criteria really is.

I HATE THIS brings with it a brief history of praise – Fringe organizers say they are eager to find new, untested works, but must be influenced when a show has been met with critical acclaim in its original run, and I am glad to say this show has. But I have always worried about the content – Fringe shows can be so arch, so "out there." But it’s what I got now, if you know what I mean, I didn’t create this piece to hit the fringe circuit, and so I decided to take the risk. I am very glad that they have decided to take the risk, too.

What will it add to the festival? An element of surprise, I hope. Selling the show is hard work, I think people expect to hear some sob story, maybe I will do a lot of screaming, I don’t know. When I think of it, I wonder what kind of person would want to see that. What I think I provide is a story, one the largest number of my audience is unfamiliar with, and tell it in a way that they can understand what someone goes through when a child dies. And they laugh, too. Laughing is allowed.

I am greatly looking forward to being part of this festival. I have a love for New York that has a lot to do with my relationship with Toni and am always thrilled to return. And our participation in fringeNYC in 2001, while difficult, was an important step in our recovery. This play was inspired, in part, by the shows I saw there that year.

One of the things I am most looking forward to is the challenge of getting people in the seats. My experience at the Minnesota Fringe showed how successful it is to meet people and get flyers into their hands. A lot of the people I spoke to directly came to see the show. Festivals like these create such a great community and I am looking forward to being immersed in that.

Your last question is a very good one, and strikes to the heart of this show. If I thought I were saying something that had already been said, I may not have been moved to write it. But my experiences coping with neo-natal death were significantly different from those of my wife, and I was not surprised to see how the fathers are overlooked, their feelings dismissed – and the extent to which most men in my position dismiss their own feelings and allow themselves to be ignored.

I hope audiences come away from I HATE THIS with a better idea of what to do when people close to them loses someone, anyone. It’s always better to say something than nothing.

Thanks for the questions, please feel free to ask any others. If you don’t mind my asking, I would like to read your article when you have completed it.

David

Letters from Professor D.'s Class

Jyana at CPT put me in touch with a professor and freelance journalist in NYC who wanted to get her students in touch with Fringe performers. I snapped at the opportunity.

Here is one letter - I thought they were very good questions.

Mr. Hansen,

I am a student in Jill D.'s Critical Writing class and I have a few questions I would like to ask you about "I HATE THIS" for the article we are writing in class.

1. Why did you decide to make it a solo performance?
2. How did you prepare to play a dozen or more characters? Did you have any difficulties, and also what are the pluses to a solo performance?
3. How does it make you feel to be performing a show about an uneasy topic like this at an International Festival?

Thank you so much for your time, I really appreciate it. The article isn't due until the 22nd of June so you don't have to respond immediately if you are busy. Thanks again.

Michelle L.

Michelle,

In 2001 my wife Toni had a play in the New York Fringe. It was a play she had written and had produced the previous year, before our son Calvin died, and returning to it, and returning to New York City (where she spent her late teens and early twenties) was its own part of our healing experience. I was running sound for the thing, and so did not have as much emotional or physical investment in the show itself, and spent a lot of time catching as many other Fringe shows as I could.

On our drive home I had a lot of time to just roll everything I had seen around in my head. And it was on the trip home that I got the first idea of writing this play. I think I even surprised myself, thinking something like "Oh God, you’re going to write a play about this, aren’t you?" Like I was ashamed, at first, to even think about turning what was, at that point in time, a very traumatic experience, and a fresh wound. But that’s what writers do, and all the time.

I had seen a number of solo shows at the ’01 Fringe, and some were very, very good. I had experience directing someone else in their solo perf. A few years earlier. Someone said to me at that time – David, you should write a one-man show for yourself. And my response was, what the hell do I have to say for an hour, about anything? Finally, I guess, I did.

But why a solo performance as opposed to a traditional play – the show is much like my journal, performed. That sounds terrible, doesn’t it? But I did write more personal stuff in that year than I ever had, and using it as the basis for the story, I am able to communicate the immediate feelings that come with this kind of shock, and this kind of grief. And as I am simply recounting what I went through, a direct-address, solo performance made sense.

Preparing for the different characters was easy. I don’t think they are astounding changes in character, it’s not like that guy in "I Am My Own Wife" I do not inhabit these other characters as much as … well, it’s like when some people tell stories, they like to impersonate the people they are talking about? It’s like that, taken to an extreme. The most challenging bit is when I have an extended conversation between myself and my own brother. But they tell me it works quite well. Because most of these characters are people who are so close to me, performing them comes more naturally then I would have thought before attempting it.

One major difficulty I had was with the one non-white character in the play. There is a nurse in this story, based, with no exaggeration, on an actual nurse we had while we were in the hospital. She was a terrible nurse. And my performance, in the early stages, was what I would call accurate, and not some cartoon. But it was apparent that she was of a different race, and that made people uncomfortable, and I didn’t blame them when they told me. So I changed her, the way she said things, the way her voice sounds – I didn’t want anyone to misunderstand what I was trying to say. And though I do not have a problem with altering certain aspects of the story to make them fit into a coherent tale, that bothers me. Because it doesn’t sound like her.

One of the pluses of a solo performance, especially this one, is that it is not at a "remove." I think it would feel stranger to watch people tell this story, with me standing outside of it. The audience knows it’s me, and I believe that makes it easier to watch, and not harder.

As for your last question, it was strange performing it last year in Minnesota. I was used to having a large number of people who knew me or knew who I was when performing it in Cleveland. In Minneapolis this was not the case at all, and when their reactions were muted (a lot of the show is humorous – but no one laughed) I was distressed … until a local pointed out the whole polite Minnesotan thing. You know, they don’t laugh at anyone else’s misfortune. I don’t know how accurate that is, but it put me at ease a little.

The fact is, in spite of its subject matter, I am always delighted to perform this show. And bringing it to New York, and not only because of its origins, is particularly special to me. Toni has such a connection to this city. When we began dating she still lived there, and we return often. And the city played an important part in our journey out of grief. The scene I mentioned where I have a conversation with my brother takes place at the Cloisters.

It will be a hard sell, it always is. Who wants to see a show about stillbirth? But I have always received such a strong, positive response from my audience – my company and I just need to hit the street early and talk folks into our show like everyone else.

I hope my answers are helpful to you, and I would be happy to read your article if that is all right. And feel free to ask any other questions if you need to.

Best wishes,
David

NYIFF Shows
FringeNYC has put the comlete list of shows on their website. Sarah's show, "4 Minutes to Happy" tops the list - everone credits me for being good at p.r., but I must remember to begin the title of my next play with a digit.

Only 3 show titles begin with the first-person singular pronoun "I". I don't know what the average is. Only recognize one show from Minnesota, one with a most unfortunate title. I won't mention it.

Writers and Their Friends

(click on letter at right to enlarge)

Every two years, the Poets’ and Writers’ league of Greater Cleveland holds an event wherein they honor some twenty-five members of the Cleveland writing community.

I was informed several months ago that I would be one of those chosen this time.

This evening was the performance. It’s an odd event, Toni and I got to attend in 2002 when she was getting her Masters at CSU. Then the theme was "Garden Party". Everyone on stage at the Drury Theatre at the Cleveland Playhouse was wearing light, summery outfits and hats.

The event features Cleveland-area celebrities, from television and radio and print, as well as a few actors, who do dramatic readings of bits of the selected works. The writers themselves have no input on what is read or who reads it or anything else, we are only to show up and watch.

I had to admit was not envious of whoever was going to be reading from my show. I don’t mind the idea of others reading my script out loud, but who would want to? I mean, it’s pretty personal stuff. Toni and I made jokes about who might be asked to read it, jokes I would rather not share publicly, even though they were pretty funny, two glasses of cheap white wine notwithstanding.

The theme for this year, held in the Bolton, was "Funeral". Quite apt, as it turned out, as a good two-thirds of the pieces chosen were about death, including, of course, mine. It was like a big joke, every reader making some smart comment to the bereaved before beginning their piece. It actually worked much better than the garden-thing.

I was surprised to see that the one politician on the roster, Sherrod Brown, U.S. Representative, was going to be reading my piece. And he read it very well, it was quite moving. It is hard for me to assess the experience entirely, I don’t even remember if anyone applauded, I was feeling terribly self-conscious, and hated myself for it. He read "Rocking Chair", which is perhaps the most upsetting scene from the play, at least to me.

We spoke briefly after the show. He checked to see if we live in his district (we don’t) and I got to tell him I am taking this show to the NY Fringe. I need to remember to send him a copy of the entire script, he only got to read this bit.

I have sent in my registration materials – we are off for the Fringe. Something that needed to be done immediately (in addition to getting a money order for a large sum of cash) was to put together a crew for the festival. They like to know who is involved a head of time.

Most importantly, we needed an ACR or Authorized Company Representative. Someone who would be in charge of all communication with the festival. You would think that person would be me, but it must be someone who has nothing to do with running the show itself, when the time comes. Someone who can stand in the house, in case of emergency. Someone to do, in effect, nothing.

Luckily, Brian has signed on for this position, which is great. He got to sit out the MN Fringe, keeping tabs on us using the website and through other means. This time he gets to experience it.

Kelly Elliott has agreed to stage manage. This will be the second NY Fringe show she has SM’ed – she also did so for ANGST:84.

First thoughts on NYC ...
It has been three years since I have even attended the New York Fringe. It has gotten much more out of hand since we were there in 2001. Last year I knew at least two participants, Rik Reppe and Michael Sepesy. Each had a difficult go of it, and a lot of it had to do with the blackout. Man, what a mess, that would have driven me crazy.

But with so many shows, it will be even harder than Minnesota to attract an audience, especially for this show. But it’s a challenge I look forward to. Mostly I am excited at the very idea of performing this piece in New York. Truth is, I first thought of this show coming home from the 2001 festival. Toni’s show had done very well, and I had seen a lot of solo performances, and while we drove my mind wandered and I started making little connections. It would be months before I would begin writing it, but I know it started there.

Part of the show takes place in New York City, of course. And then there is September 11. I have already began re-writing THE FUTURE, it sounds stupid and naïve now, especially performed in the Lower East Side. I watched it on television. Harris saw it from the street, walking a friend’s dog – in the Lower East Side.

I am getting a hair ahead of myself, however. I need to make sure I can even make this trip. It feels good to know I made the cut, even if it is a very large cut. And I discovered today that Sarah Morton is going, too. The Stillbirth show and the Depression show. We need to be sure to tag-team promote our gigs, we’re going to need all the help we can get.

Oh shit. I got into the New York Fringe!!! Oh shit!

31 Artists in 31 Hours

So bizarre. Virtually alone in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum at 4:30 in the morning. Fred Gloor and Margaret Lynch were there, and Kevin Cronin, and a visual artist. And the staff. No one else. I did the show, in costume, but without sound or music. It took 59 minutes. Channel 3 was there, but they did not use sound – I tried taping it but the VCR thought it was yesterday (Feb. 29) for some reason. No matter, Toni saw it, they didn’t even know who I was. No matter. I got to perform it again, for Calvin. It’s March.

A very good performance at the Walker Center. It was well attended, I think, I hope Ellen thinks so, too. Different crowd - I was nervous at first, so many health care professionals and their spouses, it seemed like a much older, more uptight (possibly, this was a prejudgement) crowd, but as Toni pointed out, they were much morelikely than most of my audiences to have ahad children, in addition to their intimate knowledge of what someone goes through in a hospital. They laughed more, they were with me more than most other audience have been. It was great.

Toni says she thinks it was the best she’s seen. I found this odd because I stumbled on a number of lines and felt an odd disconnect in places, but it was a different situation - no light changes, just sound to take me from one place to another. Toni says she liked that better, it was more me telling stories than having this "theatrical" thing imposed on it.

Already there are a number of people who want me to perform this in other places. And perhaps I shall.

Tomorrow night I will be performing at the W.O. Walker Center on the Cleveland Clinic campus, as a benefit for the Northeast Ohio Chapter of the College of Nurse Midwifery. Ellen asked me to do this, and so I have agreed. I hadn’t given it much thought, and then at the beginning of this week I got nervous.

But I still know the show, and space will work for me. It is a lecture hall, but we are using a PowerPoint program for the slides, and the music works the normal way. Only the lights are absent, it’s all one big lights up. I am looking forward to it, actually.

For the Record
Got the "payout" for the Fringe today - I won't go into the money, the money goes without saying (insert comment here.) But I will revise my attendance numbers. We actually had an accumulated audience of 162, which is a few people more than our own count.

Damn, these people are organized, their breakout of attendance is delightfully detailed. The more I have heard about this year's NYC Fringe (blackout notwithstanding) the happier I am I was in Minnesota.

And I HATE THIS lives. One more performance, in Cleveland, on October 10 at the Cleveland Clinic. I think I won't be persuing any additional performances ... for the time being.

Perspective

Home, again. And, of course, in hindsight, that Fringe Festival KICKED ASS! I promised myself I would keep whining to a minimum on this very public journal, but the insecurities and desperation of the last few days leaked out, and perhaps that’s not a bad thing. Apparently it made for some good reading back home.

I did get one more online write up, in Matthew Everett’s blog. It’s critical! And after all, how much unqualified praise can one man take. I have been intensely grateful for all of the attention, and we did get a lot (just not in the newspapers, blah blah blah.)

And now, back to the day to day business of housework, preparing for my third year at Great Lakes, reading script offers, considering the future (how about sending something to the Minnesota Fringe with tits in it ...) and acting like the father of a tiny - but not that tiny - living baby girl.

... and another thing ...

HERETIC. HERETIC, HERETIC, HERETIC. I saw one more show and it had to be HERETIC. It was wonderful, thank you, Niki, so much. I cried, too, although not until the drive back to Denny's. It's been a long day, and you gave me a lot to think about.

Thank you, Minneapolis, and Good Night

Nick is on the road for Cleveland, Denny and I are going to see HERETIC this evening at 6. Toni got to see STAGGERING this afternoon ... and I did my last performance. Forty people in the house, a strong Sunday afternoon showing - Clayton the ONE-MAN HAMLET man was in the house, and his lovely wife. Our widwife's daughter made the show! And there were rumors ... maybe Matthew Everett made it (and his mom) and apparently David Mann was there. Maybe he heard we dissed the cantaloupe. I am grateful for the attention.

I had the opportunity to introduce 156 more people to Calvin over the course of ten days. I had a major crisis of spirit last night, walking a very wide awake Zelda up and down the hall in the stroller at four am. What did I think I was doing with this show? In spite of my delight in telling it, it is not the feel-good hit of the summer. And I took box office poison and made it the cult following of the Fringe. The fringe of the Fringe. Beyond the Fringe. We had everything stacked against us. And they came and saw it, anyway.

I am looking forward to getting back to Cleveland, getting back to work with Great Lakes ... and maybe acting in something dumb and funny.

Last Day of Camp

Yep, it's hard to shake that metaphor, even when you are your mid-30s. Yesterday was an act of pure desperation - went to see SABOTAGE: IN FINE FORM at Hey City (okay, all you pikers, now that's comedy) and then rushed my butt up and down Hennepin (in Denny's black Mustang convertible, which would have been funny if you could have seen me make it stall a few dozen times) driving in the bus lane (no one told me about the bus lane) so that I could get lost running around the MCTC campus in 80 degree heat trying to get to THE ART OF RUTH DRAPER, which I also enjoyed. I may not have made time for that yesterday, except the actress in question came to see IHT on Thursday.

... with, apparently, everyone else. Okay, that's not fair, I did have 35 people last night. And I thank all of them. But I have to admit this has been disappointing, especially with "Fringe attendance up!" as they say, and "Lots of shows selling out during the final weekend!" as they say.

My show is just this bastard step-child of the Fringe. I could blame the lack of print media - I have seen the dumbest shows getting reviewed, shows you would just look at the description of and say, hmn, no, I wouldn't see that even if I were getting paid to write about it, even if the kid's father is an editor at my paper - but that isn't correct. I'll tell you why. I will tell you in no uncertain terms why people have avoided this show, in spite of very strong word-of-mouth, w-o-m I couldn't have bribed myself into getting, and in spite of mine and Nick's hardcore meet-n-greet campaign. I will tell you why, despite of all of this, I expect to get (I hope) twenty people at today's matinee and closing performance.

Duh, you already know why, don't you? The show is about STILLBIRTH. Who wants to see that?

That and the crowd that did join us (oh, another influential member of the Twin Cities media was on hand, too little, too late) was another one like opening night. It's very hard to do this show when I make some kind of amusing comment and everyone sighs a little, like "ooh, yah, that's so sad." But at least the show goes faster.

Afterwards Nick, Denny and I went to see ONE-MAN HAMLET at Bryant-Lake. That kicked ass, the man is a FREAK, and not only that, but a CANADIAN freak and we sat in the dark eating cheeseburgers and drinking pints of Summit and watching this guy charge around the stage with music stands with balloons on them representing all the different characters, it was a whoot.

One of the two closing night parties was last night, and it was really great. I only got to chat with a few people ... one conversation was with a Fringer artist, who had seen my show that night - the conversation was very personal and I won't write about it here. But she was torn up about a review she received in the weekly paper, and I think I said all the rights things for her to put it in perspective. I mean, the show isn't for the CP's readership, that and the style of the day of being a complete smart-ass in as few words as possible, a trend which is also popular among the local papers, gives writers the chance to vent all kinds of prejudices, against content, against experience, against, well, absolutely everything. "Your show isn't hip," I said, "my show isn't hip. You know people like your show, they've told you, and that's what matters, when you come down to it."

Well, Amen.

Amy Salloway says she's coming today. I write this in my blog to shame her if she doesn't. ;)

What I Will Take With Me
I asked Leah Cooper via email some time ago how many programs I should bring. She said, how big is your house and I said 110 and she said think positive, bring 500. I thought realistically and brought 100. I thought, if I get 20 people a show, I will be doing all right. I have already beaten that, and today will be a bonus. I had to print more programs.

I met a midwife last night, who came because she read about it and had to see what I said and how, and she and her friend loved it, she said she is so glad to hear I will be performing it for a conference of Nurse Midwives this fall in Cleveland.

I will never forget the spontaneous ovation I got when I walked out onto the sidewalk in front of the Red Eye on Thursday. That's never hapened to me, and it is apparently not some kind of tradition.

Hearing Rik Reppe pimp my show hard after his near-sold out perf. of STAGGERING TOWARD AMERICA earlier in the week. That man is a hair's breadth from signing some kind of deal with HBO or something with hiw show, I am not kidding, he has to be, and here he is shedding light on me. Very cool.

Watching Zelda push herself onto her knees the other day. She's trying so hard to crawl, we can all taste it.

The kids from MXTW. Their director, Jim Hamilton, wrote me a very kind email, thanking me for the support I had given the students - and apologizing for the fact that they weren't able to fir my show into their schedule. I can't say I wasn't disappointed. But it must be difficult to wrangle over a dozen teenagers to even half a dozen shows. They were just amazing, and I am glad I caught their work. After years with the Night Kitchen, I know how much disrespect teenage actors can get, especially when they are attempting work with substance (can we all say "hey kids, let's put on a show!") Those people were just great.

I'll get more thoughts and memories down, I hope. Right now ... well, hell, the Fringe isn't even over yet. And I got a show to do.

And now that I have gotten past last night, it appears we are truly in the home-stretch. This is kind of sad. I HATE THIS has been (and will continue to be) such a bittersweet journey. The fact is, I love this show. I never dread performing it - the way I inevitably end up dreading to perform everything else. It is difficult, but not really, not difficult in the way I love telling it, the way I love sharing our story, mine, Toni and Calvin's, with so many people. It's a mission, I suppose. Is it hard to watch? Sure, but not hard like going-to-church-hard, I have been stunned at the way this show opens people up, it turns people on, it has destroyed a few, but they all have such amazing things to say about it - especially the destroyed ones.

I HATE THIS SCRIPT - a brief history
I began conceiving of it as early as August, 2001 - driving home from the New York Fringe.
I told myself I wouldn't begin writing until 2001 was OVER.
I began writing in January, 2002, and had a first draft before Calvin's first birthday - which I revised shortly after his birthday.
The staged reading was at Dobama in August, 2002. This is where I discovered that the play isn't mere self-abuse, but a good play people enjoyed hearing. And that I could play it.
The reading was attended by the artistic director of CPT, who invited me to participate in BIG BOX at the end of February.
In December, 2002 I get accepted into this festival.
February 28 - March 1 & 2 we do the BIG BOX run.
The rest is pretty much covered from the beginning of this blog.

So how long does it take to create a play? Two years? One? A couple weeks? I wonder how long I will be producing this.

One show I neglected mentioning was TYRANNOUS REX which was stunning. Not only the extent to which diminutive Nicola Gunn is a freakish changeling, but the use of music and lights is nothing short of miraculous. The woman jumps in and out of characters - and thoughts and time and space. It was fabulous.

Today we saw Laura Park in PARK N RIDE at the Brave New Workshop. I was a little nervous at first, we had been looking forward to her show after meeting her first at the end of the out-of-towner showcase last Thursday (oh so long ago) and then again the next night at VOICE-IN-HEAD. The beginning of the show was a little slow for me, I coudn't tell if this were a story or just stand-up, and she is a tremendous physical performer, I fretted we would be bogged down in Wisconsin jokes.

Shortly after that the ride really took off and I was delighted. The characters - her bizarre roommate Jen (I think her name was Jen) that was an excellent turn, and the Gap business, the truck driver ... very good, a very talented performer - and she's got a HUGE face! I am very glad I saw that.

Then Denny and Nick and I saw CRITTERS, we'd seen a bit of that at Balls last Saturday. I liked most of it, especially the subway part. This was my only dance show this week - people have been carping about the lack of dance coverage in the media ... but then people have started to carp about everything. I think they're all just afraid to say good-bye. I know I am.

Damn. Matthew Foster just wrote one of the most eloquent, complimentary, and funny write-ups I have ever received. Thanks, man ... and sorry I ruined your night.

"This show kicked my ass"

There was a lot riding on last night, it was like Opening Night all over again. The last several days have been very hard, I was close to completely wigging out on Tuesday ... I was able to deal with it by rushing around town, dropping off more postcards, I needed to feel like I was doing something. Yes, the word of mouth has been very strong, I have handed postcards to all kinds of folks and I have had other artists from all kinds of shows saying I was at the top of their list. But I had no idea whether or not that would translate into a decent house.

By yesterday, I was a walking ball of nerves. Toni, Denny, Z. and I had a lovely picnic by one of Minnesota's many lakes - the weather, which has been so cool, has turned hot again, but we had grocery store sushi (Kowalski's!) in the shade and just lazed about. Later I announced I was going to see MEDEA, by myself, right before my performance (that was supposed to produce a laugh) which I did. Two women performing the entire show in an hour, female actors from the past, one Chorus and one Medea, with thick Manchestrian accents (they are, indeed, from Manchester) with the actress chosen to play Medea protesting having to play this most villainous of women for so long I thought there was no way they could bring it back and produce the desired, tragic effect. You will be happy to know they did - and that was no mean feat with my mind wandering to my own, imminent performance from time to time.

To cut to the chase, we had 55 people last night. (Oh, and Nick did make his flight.) I fulfilled my mandate to double the house every night ... can't do that again unless we sell-out and though I am optimistic, I don't see that happening. But it was great to see so many people there.

There were friends, Ben and Pam drove all the way from Chicago, I was surprised to see them after the show. We didn't get to talk too much, they needed to head right back, we'll see them again the drive home. And Tim Perfect, late of the Cleveland Shakespeare Festival and now of Minneapolis' Pig's Eye Theatre. And Denny brought his friends from the other night, including the certain member of the local media establishment.

And then came the Fringe Elite! Yes, MN Fringe Executive Director Leah Cooper was in the house! I got Leah! And Fringe web designer, Ministry of Cultural Warfare artistic director and all-around cynical bastard (or so he says) Matthew Foster, and members of his company! Fringe Aide de Camp Andrew Cleveland was there, and he laughed in the weirdest places. And Rik Reppe (whose name I completely mangled during my post-show spiel) was in attendance ... afterwards he gave me the low-down on how moved all the aforementioned, hardened theater types were by the show.

I now have (to date) five audience reviews and a collective rating of five stars. You can read them at the above link. I am very fortunate, I am very grateful ... and I also fell a little weird. I was so strung out yesterday, I didn't feel I did a very good job. Or maybe I did, the reaction was quite strong. Sometimes I feel my show is like pizza - when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

And so things have progressed. It feels like we have been here forever, and I still have two performances left, but we are at the weekend, the second weekend, the last weekend, and the four of us are scrambling to figure out how to see as many shows as possible and juggle Zelda. It will all be done before we know it. I think I can spend out remaining days not being a total neurotic freak.

Finding Gabriel

In my Sat., Aug. 2 post I mentioned that I had been tipped off to a book written by a local professor about his experiences with stillbirth. This was inaccurate, but I am very glad for the tip.

The book in question, Waiting With Gabriel: A Story of Cherishing a Baby's Brief Life was written by Amy Kuebelbeck, the huband of a professor at St. Thomas, Mark Neuzil - a search for the book under his name was fruitless (you can sit in this rocking chair, Mr. Thayer) though that was one of the titles I looked over when trying to find it. A brief email exchange with him put me on the right track. The Internet is an amazing thing.

Also, their boy wasn't still born, they discovered during pregnancy that he has HLHS, hydroplastic left heart syndrome. Which is to say, no left side of his heart. After birth they could either choose for him an infancy and childhood and life full of high-risk and debilitating surgeries, or to die in the warm care of his parents arms in relatively less anguish.

No, we cannot compare our tragedies. Or maybe we can. Yes, I wish I could have looked down on Calvin's smiling face, just once, or to feel him grasp my finger. And sometimes I think of how relieved I am that he just died and I never had to make a decision like that one.

I am enjoying the book ... you know, the way people enjoy my play.

Learning to Crawl

Zelda has been learning how to push herself up on her knees, it's amazing to watch. I made a prediction that she would begin crawling here in Minnesota. We have a few days for that to come true.

Gossip
Last night the Vox Fringe board greeted us with this cry in the wilderness: "Who Do I Have To Blow To Get A Mainstream Review?" Ah, yes. The question of the ages. This person went on to lament the fact that all the papers have covered the same dozen shows (this is not true) and goes along with the accusation of local critics ignoring the out-of-town acts (they haven't.) But there is something to be said for the media concentrating on established performers and writers and up-and-coming companies which have already made waves at previous Fringes.

The other night I was having dinner with a certain influential member of the Minnesota media establishment. And this person recounted an encounter they had had the night before with an area theater critic at a solo performance written and performed by an established Twin Cities theater artist. The Fringe show in question is actually a revival from a few years earlier, a piece the artist had chosen to remount because they felt it hadn't gotten enough attention the first time around.

Well. The member of the local media establishment asked the critic, "what are you doing reviewing this, there's over 160 shows and you wrote this up three years ago," and the critic just smiled and said, "yeah, but it's just so good."

See, that story set me into a minor spasm of jealousy - my review was being wasted on a show that had already been covered just because the artist has a local critic in the palm of their hand!

And then I had to back up and say, hey dummy, if the tables were turned and this was your city and you were reviving a show you thought got short shrift and a local reviewer decided to give it another look-see, wouldn't you think that was your right, that you had earned that extra attention? The answer is, of course it would be.

The "sour grapes" conclusion to this barely interesting tale of envious rage is that Toni and Denny went to see the show in question yesterday afternoon. And they said it really isn't that great. The artist is a good actor, to be sure, but it's not a very cohesive or well-written play. Not even the bit about the cantaloupe.

Separated At Birth?

Amy Salloway and Curtis Proctor need to do a brother/sister act. While watching DTMMMLF? I was struck by her uncanny similarities to Curtis - not in appearance necessarily, though they do have a resemblance, but her voice, her gestures, her comic timing, it was stunning. I tried to figure it out, I thought perhaps it was the apparent inspiration Ms. Salloway has received from (among many others) David Sedaris, but that doesn't explain the performance. Anyway, I now have this urgent desire to bring them together - from far-flung Minneapolis and Wichita, to good old Cleveland, Ohio - and direct them in something. Maybe a trans-gendered production of True West or a seriously bent version of Virginia Woolf.

... hmn ... must contact James Mango ...

* * * * * * * * * *

Sweet! I got mentioned in City Pages! Not reviewed, mind you, but mentioned, and mentioned prominently. As Skip used to say, "every little bit hurts ..."

Solo Performance, Spoken Word, What Have You ...

This evening Denny had some friends over for dinner, and I found myself in the position of trying to describe the differences between the style of performance in my show and STAGGERING TOWARD AMERICA. I play characters, but then so does Rik - but he's not really acting, only, well, what are we doing when we impersonate someone else and tell something from their point of view, I mean, isn't that what acting is? But I have black-outs and music, so it's more theatrical, whatever that means.

And then, on the way home from seeing Amy Salloway in DOES THIS MONOLOGUE MAKE ME LOOK FAT? (rock on, Amy - we enjoyed your show a lot) I was struck by all of these deep thoughts about solo performance, and not just solo perf. but spoken word perf., and not just that, but the entire stripped-of-artifice thing - as can be illustrated by the work of the Neo-Futurists. Denny and I saw three of them do a final dress of DRINKING & WRITING at the Bryant-Lake Bowl, which will open tomorrow at Grumpy's. They do the show in a bar, the three of them drink the entire time (well, the two guys do) and talk about drinking and its effect on writing and great, American writers ... or visa versa. That's another show I enjoyed a great deal.

Now, I heard once that the whole solo performance movement sprung from the dire economic straits the arts have been in for the past twenty. They are cheap to produce, to transport ... and actors love them for a host of self-involved reasons.

And some of them are crap, as 98% of anything is crap (or so they say.) But I have been struck by a number of no-frills shows at this Fringe, shows that have a great deal of honesty and heart, without being self-indulgent. Shows that really communicate something, told by people who I am actually happy to listen to. I only hope I can count myself among those people.

By the way, DTMMMLF? was Toni and my first real night out, alone, since we started this trip. Z. was in the care of Uncle Denny tonight.

My review of EATING DREAMS

Get It - Get It
The dichotomy of writing about adolescence is that if you are an adult you have forgotten most of the really bad stuff and end up producing something sweet and hazy or "edgy" and trite. And if you are a teenager, then you probably do not have the tools or artistic experience to communicate what you are going through without using extremely familiar and predictable language. God bless Jim Hamilton and the MXTW - they use the stylistic methods of the heroes of the avant-garde to produce an urgent and immediate reflection of what they (and every young person) is going through RIGHT NOW. If we all had their creativity, sense of humor, anger, outrage and (sigh) energy, this Fringe festival would fricking explode.

Vox of the Obsessed

The link above* will take you to "Vox Fringe" which is the message board for the Fringe Fest. We are a pathetic group. I think some of us are taking the online reviews (written largely, it would appear, by other Fringers - not that there's anything wrong with that) a little too seriously ... but that's coming from a guy with a solid FOUR AND A HALF STAR RATING!

Cheese.

So ... how do you maintain "buzz" - if I got buzz, and they tell me I do - through four long days between performances, with Nick out of town? Yes, Nick has gone home for a gig (flying back into the Twin Cities three hours before curtain on Thursday - stay tuned for how that one pans out) and he promotes our show much better than I do. When we walk into a theater, everyone recognizes him.

Tonight I did a pretty good job, I saw two shows at the Pillsbury, ZOMBIE MANIA and EATING DREAMS, and zipped into the lobby, like a whore, to hand our cards to everyone who came out. If everyone who says they already have my card and have me on their schedule actually shows up, I am going to do very well this weekend. But it is, as I say, a long time from now - Fringe days are like dog years.

ZOMBIE MANIA ... Nick really wants to see that. I hate to burst his bubble - it's fun in it's awfulness, the acting is wonderfully bad, the script is great in its badness, and there is some really awesome gore, but not enough! I am sorry, I wanted a big old splatter-fest, I was warned audience members were going to get messy, I wanted zombies in the audience - please forgive me for transfering my own desires onto someone else's show, but MAN they could have taken that much further.

EATING DREAMS was as good as I hoped it would be, I am going to think it over a little, probably write a review for the Fringe site.

I was debating staying late to see I GOT A REPUBLICAN UP MY ASS, which Nick and Denny saw last night, they said it was very funny, and unapologetically in-your-face about the people running our country. This afternoon Toni and Denny saw CHARLIE BETHEL'S BEOWULF, which they also said was very good.

We have people coming over for dinner tomorrow, so our Fringe going may be limited ... or perhaps not, we'll see how it pans out. Jesus, I have two more full days without a performance.

Tom
Thomas Whitely Cullinan is my guy. He's directed both of my full-length works. Who can I trust to direct my new play about the worst year of my life? Tom. Can he tell me what doesn't work, what rings false, what sounds too harsh, what will make people dislike my "character" - and sit back most of the time and just let Dave be Dave? Oh my yes. I was so happy he could come into town for the weekend, see one of our performances and Balls Cabaret, hang out all Sunday, checking out other shows - we had a great time.

Tom went to school at Macalester, which is literally up the street from Denny's apartment, on Grand Avenue. Macalester was the only other school I applied to. I went to the one that accepted me. I think I would have gone insane at Mac (as they call it) but the place means a lot to him. He took me and Zelda for a little tour on Saturday afternoon, that was really great. Denny had taken Toni and I around the grounds once, but Tom was able to fill the place in properly - "I staged a show here ... this little pig-ride was here ten years ago ... I lived here, and here - and here ..."

I wish he could have stayed with us for the week. It was a great couple of days.

* long dead - 7/13/2007

Why We Tell Stories

Before I saw STAGGERING TOWARD AMERICA today, Rik told me I was really brave to do what I am doing with my show - this actually happened to me, and he was "only telling other people's stories."

Well, that's one way of looking at it. It's nonsense, of course, STA is very definitely his story, told through everyone else's story, and the fact that he is daring to travel such well-trodden ground (What is America?) and such sorely-abused ground (What is Patriotism?) and over, excuse the extended past the point of breaking metaphor, such hallowed ground (9/11) what he has accomplished is all the more stunning.

I was right there with him every step of his journey because I felt exactly the same way he did. Sure, we felt horror and sadness for all the pain and death, but all the "United We Stand" stuff? I didn't get that, either. And maybe I still don't. But I greatly appreciated the point of view he is sharing.

And that BARSTOOL he uses for his set? Man, that is one amazing barstool.

Other People's Stories
STA was the only show I caught today. Toni has been so helpful, doing double-duty on the childcare so I could spend three nights in a row, out late, not just doing my show, but doing those other gigs. I wanted to do them not only to raise awareness for my show, but because, you know, it's a festival, and I am glad I have had the chance to be a visible part of it. And so Toni went out with Nick, Tom and Denny and caught three shows, all in a row; THE GERMAN SOCIALITIES, GWEN HAIRY GWEN GLOSS and SABOTAGE: IN FINE FORM. Apparently they went from bad to excellent ... in that order. Which is the way I'd prefer them, if it were up to me.

Caught some of the SABOTAGE act last night at Balls, those guys are brilliant. If I don't catch them here, I may see them on tee vee someday.

Don't Fear The Topic
My pitch has really picked up, thanks to Nick. I listen to him talk about my show, he's better at it than I am. I approached a number of people after Rik's show, handing out cards, one said, "I've heard good things about this," and another, "what is it about?" And I said, "Two years ago my wife and I had a child who was stillborn and this is about the year I spent coping with it. Now, whatever you think a show like that might be like, forget it." Then someone asked (no kidding) "Is it a good show?" and I said, "It's a great show - your friend here already heard good things about it."

Big change in three days, huh?

Man, is it late. I have become an old man, and the idea of going to bed at three (central time) is just nutty. Of course, the circumstances are strange, the week should even out from here.

What Am I Talking About?
I woke with something like a hangover this morning, good ol' David "Two Beers" Hansen. Too much activity, too much running around in big heavy coats in other people's shows. Toni suggested bagging seeing any shows this afternoon in lieu of relaxing, and I was all for it - even if that meant not going to see THE HOBBIT with Denny and Nick. Their report made me feel I had made the right choice, and that is all I will say about that.

Zelda has learned to shriek like a dinosaur, in just the last two days. We got some rude looks at Cafe Latte.

Director Tom
Tommy has arrived, and we have been having a good time. I am happy to say that not only did tonight's audience more than double last night's attendance (you do the math) but Nick called it the best he has seen me do thus far. It did feel very good, indeed.

I am working on the post-show speech - the one where you thank everyone for coming, urge them to tell their friends - AND mention some other shows for them to see. I have only seen a few, I haven't known what to say. The fact is, you don't have to have seen a show to recommend it. Rik Reppe reportedly (because I have heard it from a number of sources) blew the doors off the Bryant-Lake telling people to see my show - and he hasn't seen it yet! So I will try something like that.

Blogrolling
One show I can recommend is TEECHERS, we caught that right after my gig. Man, that is uplifting. It is a familiar tale, an inspirational high school teacher with a number of delinquent kids. The small ensemble is wildly talented, and tell the story with great enthusiasm - I can't single out any of the performers, they all work together very well.

And then we did the Balls Cabaret thing at the Southern. The host, Leslie Ball, is utterly charming and gave the proceeding a great atmosphere. I did my bit, the "Father's Day" scene (I think it went all right) and saw bits from several shows that have moved to the top of my list, not least of which is EATING DREAMS, an ensemble of 16 high school students from Manhattan, Kansas. They were incredible. They did this Futurist manifesto ... I have to see the show again to describe it, it was their own bit, the words were theirs ... Jesus, it's too late for this, I am doing a crappy job of describing anything. But I am telling you, I am going to make that show.

The Fringe Is Now Open

Onstage at the Red Eye Theatre

Damn, what a long day. It began much too early, shortly after midnight, with the girl waking up, and thinking it was playtime. I spent an hour or so walking her up and down my brother Denny's long, hardwood hallways, or pushing her around the apartment in the stroller.

So we slept in a little, had muffins and the NY Times and tried to nap a little before Denny, stage manager Nick and the wife went off to see our first show of the week, HELEN GURLEY BROWN'S SEX AND THE OFFICE, which they said they enjoyed all right.

You will notice I did not join them. I had a full night and so spent the afternoon with the girl, walking up and down Grand Avenue, getting smiles from everyone.

Nick has taught me to be a bold promoter - there was the crowd of "young people" standing in a circle, talking, outside the Grand Ole Ice Cream Shop. I went up to one of them, the one who looked like the leader (because he looked like he was my age) to begin handing out postcards, and when he found what the show was about, he told me about a professor at St. Thomas up the street who has written a book about his experiences when he and his wife lost a child through stillbirth. I have tried to contact this man already.

Opening Night
Our house was very, very small. It was a difficult show for me - I have never performed it without at least a few audience members who know who I am. No one laughed much, The tiny house contributed to this, I am sure, but I just couldn't tell if it was flying.

Afterwards I just sat in the dressing room a few minutes, trying to pull it together. I mean, tonight's show was one of the hardest things I have ever done, ever. Ron, the lighting guy for Red Eye (wait, isn't that the name of that new make-over show on Bravo?) came in and told me how great the show was -- he'd only seen fragments during the cue-to-cue.

He said I was really articulate which made me laugh because that was my biggest problem tonight, articulation, but that's not what he meant. I told him how I felt about the audience not laughing ever and he said, "Oh, that's just a Minnesota thing, you don't laugh at someone else's problems," and that just cracked me up, he totally brought me out of my funk.

And most of the audience, a small crowd, was waiting for me outside when I emerged. They were all very taken by the show. It felt great. We will spread the word about Calvin and this show, a person at a time. And more ...

Industrials
Nick, Denny and I then went to see one of the most-hyped shows in the Fringe. INDUSTRIALS are the scripts from five personal health/propaganda films from the 50s, perfomed by actors. It was oversold, they couldn't fit enough extra chairs in the space. And it was quite funny. And yet, I kept thinking it would be funnier to watch the original movies, which is usually the case when some theater company chooses to reenact something from film or TV on-stage. That's just my opinion. But parts of it were very, very funny, and I can see why it is going to be a big hit.

Nick and I ripped out of there when it was over and handed postcards to everyone in this sold-out crowd. People really dig the cards.

Voice-In-Head

Nick, Denny, myself, and a creepy puppet in "Voice-In-Head"

Then up the street to perform in VOICE-IN-HEAD, which was WAY better than I thought it was going to be! First off, it wasn't just me, some others who were signed up dropped out, and so not only did they enlist Nick, but even Denny, to perform. We all put on silly costumes, and our headsets. I was crowned with a hat made of dangerously arranged drinking straws - and I got a malicious hand-puppet, which freaking rocked.

The fifteen performers did what ever was told of us on our headsets - and we were each given 90 seconds to plug our shows. I did one of the phone bits, and some "crappy Shakespeare."

Nick gave some sincere speech about me, who I am, what my show is, and why you should come ... or at least I think that was what he was doing, I was getting detailed instructions on the next act (a witch hunt) and so missed the entire thing. Denny surprised me no-end by doing a very funny monologue about the differences between Minnesotans and people from Ohio.

And we handed out more cards. Tomorrow's show is at 8 PM, on a Saturday. It goes without saying I hope the word is spreading .. and of course, I am praying against hope for a critic. This show is good, it's very good, and I know that better than I know most things. Some attention in the press would be a real coup.

"I Hate This (a play without the baby)" is now available for Amazon Kindle.

Red Eye Rocks

What a great, long day. The plan was to drop postcards and/or bumper stickersin as many places as possible. Someone I met through the Fringe website sent me a big, long list of places to leave them - I don't know what I would have done without either that list nor my brother's help. Where to go and how to get there, that's what it's all about.

Pretty much every single place we went already had stacks of cards for other shows, I was proud of ours. They are color, they feature the sitting pose - one person said I look like Stanley Tucci in them (Toni will be so pleased) and a hostess at the Bryant-Lake Bowl said, "Oh! Can I have one?" so brightly when I showed them to her, I was wildly flattered.

The list features over 100 places. Denny and I hit over 30, not bad. And driving around Minneapolis on a beautiful day in Denny's Mustang convertible doesn't suck, either.

Nick arrived a little after three, Toni had made dinner, and the five of us got caught up before Nick and I had to endure Twin Cities rush hour traffic to get to tech by five ... or so.

Red Eye Rocks
The Red Eye Collaborative is a great space. It's not as large as I thought it might be based on the floorplan, but it is certainly larger in scope than either CPT and Dobama - and yet more intimate than both. The seating units are wider there than in the other spaces - so they do not go back very far, I am not very far from anyone. The floor is often used for dance companies, which explains why it is so wide and deep.

Thanks to John and Ron, our technical assistants. And the slides are going to look HUGE. We got all the cues down, but did not run the show, we hadn't planned to. Nick knows the show very well, I am in good hands. Now if I would only stop talking so much so my voice is well rested for tomorrow night.

Big Pimping
After tech Nick and I went to the Bryant Lake Bowl to try and chat up people after the "Out-of-Towner" showcase, the one we missed because I was dumb and scheduled our tech during it. We showed up just as everyone was leaving and stood as part of this narrow, receiving line, one of a number of other Fringers handing out cards: "Hi, I'm from out of town, too ... My name's Dave, come see my show ... thank you so much for attending, come see my show ... this is Nick, he's from Cleveland, too ..." It was quite a coup, and excellent timing.

Oh, and this is good - earlier I ran into some people outside Red Eye, showing up to drop off postcards. They asked what my show was, and I said, "I Hate This" and as they looked at my card one asked, "Oh? And what do you hate?" and I said, "oh ... uh, I, ah, my wife and I had a stillborn child, and,uh, this is about that." "Oh," he said kindly and I said, "Yeah, I really gotta work on the pitch."