Complication

The new year has brought with it a series of complications and anxieties. Toni had a blood test, a screening test, to determine if there were any major genetic abnormalities with the fetus. She tested negative for Down's Syndrome, but got an abnormal in another part of the test, which could mean a host of things including (but the odds are against it) Spina Bifida.

It wasn't the news so much, she knows that could mean a number of things, including the fact that sh has, for example, twins (something she is almost sure she has thought I feel she is only being fanciful) but the way sh received it was outside the close knit loop we and the midwives have formed, it came from a dupe who works for University Hospitals. Someone mistakenly suggested she was automatically signed up for an amniocentesis test (which, at this stage and at her young age would cause more problems that it would detect, not to mention be traumatic and extremely painful) and anyway Toni had a really lousy Thursday last week.

We have calmed down a little, but the fear that our fetus might be deformed, genetically, has made me separate from it, want not to be too attached. What does Toni think? We haven't discussed it. Abortion is still an option, though a much more difficult one than it would have been even a month ago. She has really begun to grow. Everyone knows we are pregnant, so do we tell them we had to get rid of the "baby"?

I don't even want to think too closely on this, see, it probably isn't necessary but we must think about the worst to be prepared for it. But I want to be close to the baby, singing to it, telling it stories, but then I have already become so attached if anything should go wrong I will be one sad man.