The creature (as we now call it) is very active at funny times. It was enjoying "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" last night. Apparently it also has something to say about Toni's poetry analysis class. I haven't felt it yet, but it is slowly becoming more real. When there were doubts about its health I could image it disappearing, getting smaller - I was afraid to acknowledge it, to say good morning, to talk to it. Now it grows and grows. And I get excited.
Of course, that doesn't help me work any harder on the nursery, or anything else. But I did make dinner three times this week, and did clean out my office closet. This morning we saw the midwife, Ellen. She's great. Everything seems to be normal, normal weight gain, normal heartbeat, everything.
I have gotten in touch with a man through the Internet who maintains a site about the "Kassels" of Saint Louis, MO. I am trying to locate my father's birth parents. I have always wanted to do this, but after the scare with the fetus, I want to know as much as I can about my blood relatives. I do not wish to meet them, however. I just want to know.
Level 2 Ultrasound today. We will know a lot more today and I am scared. Not as scared as Toni. There's a reassuring voice in my head that tells me everything will be all right, and that voice is called denial. I simply cannot honestly fathom what to do if anything were wrong. So I don't. I acknowledge the possibility but take comfort (perhaps too much comfort) in the odds.
My father was adopted. I wish I'd found out why before I chose to get someone pregnant.
