Cut it now.

I would bemoan the fact that my current schedule still makes it very challenging to get a run in ... except we worked AND THEN YOU DIE tonight, from 6:30 to almost ten. Bouncing up and down on my toes for three and a half hours, leaping onto and off of cubes and platforms, running circles around you sooner than you know. ... and dancing. Don't forget the dancing.

Exhausted and hungry, my throat very tired -- my neck even hurts, why does my neck hurt? And then there are my knees. They are both very sore. This is going to be a joy.

At a little after eight, Ali asked if I wanted to "run" it again. And I said ... yes.

That's how I said it. "...yes."

I have been working, in my so-called spare time, on running lines. New lines, to be sure, and old lines. It's just not all in there for me, yet. I keep changing things -- cutting things, mostly. There was a lot of stop-and-start but hearing the first run took an hour twenty was disheartening. I mean, yes, I stopped and started a lot but I have to know, to believe it will be an hour. I cut more. Do I hate saying that? It's out. Have I made my point? It's out.

I had more ideas for revisions before I had even left the parking lot.

Fever

Yesterday I developed a fever, and last night was difficult ... I had to sleep apart from Toni, we were waking each other up. Things are very difficult, she gets indigestion, and she snores and I cannot sleep. Couple that with the fact that I could not get warm in bed, with her ... that was weird, I actually warmed up on my own in a different part of the house. So I was at home today, successfully doing nothing. The day after a show closed. I think that's a good thing.

Responsibilities

My weight is staying around 170, which doesn't suck. I do not feel bloated or fat. I have resumed going to the gym, have done twice in the last two weeks which isn't enough, beet than nothing, and I will try to get into the habit of going at least twice a week.

Toni keep getting bigger. The fetus, the creature, the baby, is very active, swimming around inside of her. A little tiny human, inside of her, getting bigger every day.

The show has opened. There are responsibilities, my job, my theater, benefits to throw, classes to schedule, a book to sell (got another rejection letter yesterday) -- but there are also clothes to wash and put away, food to purchase and meals to prepare, and a nursery to create. For when we become a family. The Thayer-Hansen family. I am scared, and I am unsure. I am nervous that I will be a joke of a father. But I want this so badly and I can't even begin to explain why.