Heart-Shaped Box

Zelda asked to see the green & purple box - "the one for Grampa Calvin" - that we keep up on top of the bookshelf in the upstairs hallway. I believe this was the first time she had asked that since we put it up there. It used to be down in the tee vee room, and before that it was in a bag, waiting for all of Calvin's things to be put into it.

We did not fill the box until Zelda was born, and we decided it was time to change the room (which had actually fallen into a kind of storage space, I have to admit) into the aforementioned tee vee room. Then we put it up high when she took too great an interest in all the things in it, but was too young to talk about them.

Oh, and Grampa Calvin is her great-grandfather, after whom Calvin is named. I thought she was getting that they are two different people ... but then I am not sure exactly what she understands. We waited until after Orson was born, so she wouldn't worry, to explain that this Calvin we talk about is her brother, who died in Mommy's belly, before he was born. Before she was born.

We took the box into the tee vee rom, what was once Calvin's room. It was late, and Orson had little patience. It was as I expected, Zelda wanted to look at everything, pull it all out. We didn't want to be too edgy (don't touch that, be careful with that) and I think Toni was more concerned with the order of things in the box than I, but she wanted to keep certain things out, to have them and to use them, and we said no. Pretty abruptly it was bedtime, with Toni ushering the kids out of the room and my carefull folding and putting away things. A bib. A hat. Two handmade blankets. The high-tops. I had forgotten about the blankets.

There will be a time, someday, for future discussion. I don't know how to do this. I hope it's all right. Later, when Z. was getting distempered about going to bed, I changed the subject for a moment, apologizing for being so proprietary with the things in Calvin's box, but explaining that there are things of his she uses every day - the baby blanket M.P. got for Calvin, the quilt that Donna made. This calmed her down a little, and then she changed the subject, too.