I Hate This Blog

THE FUTURE ... and the past

Toni went to see Fahrenheit 9/11 last night. She was impressed by a number of things - and by impressed I mean it left an emotional impression on her – but the one which is most relevant in this context was his handling of the attack in New York itself. This is probably old news by now, but he leaves the screen black, with just the sound of the planes striking the Towers.

Seeing the image of that horrible occurrence – again – is unnecessary to revisit the horror, the grief, the sadness, the helplessness, all of it.

I have a scene in my play called THE FUTURE, which details my reaction to those events. September 11 was almost six months after we lost Calvin. We were going through our own grief process, and suddenly, so was absolutely everyone else. And new trauma, even entirely unrelated trauma, can rip open old wounds. I tried to write about that in a way that made sense to my audience.

That worked in Cleveland. And Minneapolis. But I didn't think it would work in New York. Not the way I had written it. I invite the audience in; yes, we were all on the same page for a moment, you were with me then. Because my audiences to date weren’t there, they were watching it on t.v or listening on the radio, as I was.

So I have rewritten it. And rewritten it. I have been trying to make it work. Without sounding apologetic. Without sounding provincial. Without sounding petty, or insensitive or super-self-absorbed. I lost a child. I do not know if I will be addressing someone who lost a brother or a parent – or a child – in those attacks.

And I hate that. I hate defining this part of my play by what I do not want it to be.

This is where Toni’s experience with Michael Moore’s film comes in. She says it’s best to be honest. Just tell my audience what’s happened, what I meant to say, and say that.

I am strongly considering doing that. Just throwing the thing out, turning up the house lights, explaining the situation and moving on.

This is a shame, because as it is THE FUTURE has one of the biggest laughs in the show. And as a performer, I am trying to figure out how to keep as much funny as I can. But as the playwright, I need to figure out how best to serve the story.

Amazing how controversial this one scene is. I guess that makes sense. Some find its inclusion a distraction from Calvin’s story, but it isn’t his fault he had to die in 2001.