I Hate This Blog

ANGST in NYC

Sometimes I can remember where notions come from, other times ...

Anyway, I was thinking of our time at the NY Fringe in 2001 when Toni's play ANGST:84 was produced there. Can't remember why. It's a fond memory - and I recalled I had designed a page for the DNK site with pictures from the event.



I found it on my computer, and looked it over. The photo of the WTC wasn't shocking, I knew that was going to be there ... it was the text that went with it. The pictures had been up since late August, but I ammended the page after 9/11. The date on the page was Sept. 22.

It's shockingly sincere, and a little embarrassing to read. Sounds a little weepy, the whole "we're all with you" kind of tone. Like I'm going to break out into "God Bless the U.S.A." or something. Or a haiku.

Gently ashes fall
Over the barren landscape
I. M. N. A. Hole.

Or what have you. What was more unsettling, in that "oh I forgot about that" kind of way is how, more than a week later, I was writing in the present as though 9/11 was something that was still happening. Which, of course, it was. It's still, still happening, really. But it reads like those buildings had been burning and tumbling, constantly, for two weeks. Which, in a way, they were. Or still are.

I have added the page to my own site, with a link provided on the I Hate This - Timeline pages. I don't edit those pages very much, it's better to leave them as they are, to avoid reflections or other editing of what should be read as present tense, little editorializing. But it was a powerful week, a difficult week, an exhilarating week, and seeing as I already did all the work on that photo page, I felt like including it in the timeline, as a bonus.

People have read these pages before seeing the show, and after. Some have only read the Timeline and have never seen the show, which isn't preferable - the show is better - but many have commented on how helpful reading it has been. Those who have been through perinatal demise have told me how similar their experiences have been to ours, and knowing that is comforting. To us, as well as to them.

And for those whose loss is so new, so raw (and you know who you are) seeing pictures of Toni and I, living, working, playing as functioning (if somewhat erratic) human beings, only five months after the birth of our son, might be a ray of hope.