What’s On David’s iPod?
Slow (Chemical Brothers Mix)
Kylie Minogue
Music from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
(Metrosexual? Please, we prefer ‘fey’.)

Lush Life

When Toni and I were honeymooning we came across this fabulous skin product shop in Vancouver called LUSH. Their entire deal is that their stuff is "handmade" and contains "natural" ingredients. Whatever. We just love what they make and it’s a real guilty pleasure.

One a year or so we get a box of happy things from them, and as time goes by I think I get more stuff for me than Toni does for herself.

I have developed an unhappy T-zone which is delighted by the exfoliating effects of my new bar of Fresh Farmacy as well as a post-shower treatment of Imperialis (contents include lavender, mullein leaf, orange blossom water and olive oil, among a number of lovely butters.) I also have a new shaving mucilage, as well as a body bar that fairly reeks of patchouli.

I like being a girl.

Hair Loss

Next question: How in the hell did a local "hair restoration" business get their hands on 1) my parents address in Lakewood attached to 2) my birth name, which I have not used since 1986, replete with the information that 3) I have male pattern baldness?

These places infuriate me. They begin by stating "hair loss has plagued mankind for centuries," and reassure me that "with the advances of medical technology, there is no reason to suffer from hair loss."

F*** you very much, is all I can say, I am not plagued, and neither do I suffer. You know, I got a hairpiece once, for a show. Never used it again, I think it looks ridiculous. I named it Hell Toupee.

I never had a nice time with my hair, I could never do anything with it. I have to conduct a poll among my friends who go back that far – which, admittedly, number about two – and ask whether I looked better then or now.

What really irks me is how neurotic guys are about hair loss. I think I was better off losing so much so fast when I was young. I started thinning when I was 22 or 23 and was pretty much where I am now in about six years. Any social adjustment I needed to make took place a long time ago, and the only people I know who make jokes … well, okay, the only person who makes jokes is Nick. What a surprise.

What’s On David’s iPod?
Closer
Nine Inch Nails
The Downward Spiral
(Old school. This is old school.)

Bizarre Milestone

Ten years ago this Friday, I committed adultery. This, in and of itself, was not unusual. My wife and I had both gotten into the habit. I was about to turn 26. She was about to turn 24. It is, I imagine, something a lot of young couples do, or at least more than you might imagine.

What makes this date worth noting is that unlike previous dalliances (I would never have used the word ‘dalliance’ when I was 26, it would have made me feel old) was that the woman to whom I made what an entirely successful pass was an old high school friend of my wife.

That friend is named Toni.

It became, you can safely assume, a horrible, wonderful mess. And in hindsight you can speculate on the correctness of Toni’s and my decisions, but I wouldn’t give us that much credit. We were not clairvoyant, but we did fall in love, and there was little else we could do about that.

The wife (now the ex-wife) and I had been married for a few days shy of eighteen months at that point. Zelda will be a few days shy of eighteen months on Friday. I used to think my ex-wife and I hadn’t been married very long when Toni and I started fooling around, but when I put it that way I am not so sure.

In any event, I was listening to an awful lot of Nine Inch Nails back then.

Ten years is a very long time. I assume my ex-wife still despises me, she attempted to be in touch with me in 1999, five years ago (five years was also the amount of time between when she and I began dating and when we decided to get divorced: 1989 to 1994) but that turned out to be a mistake, she seemed to think I was still cheating on her or that I cared what she thought of that. I admit, I can use all the friends I can get, but it’s been a long time since I thought I needed forgiveness for what turned out to be the right decision.

Man. Toni and I were together for seven years before we lost Calvin. And it’s been only three years since then. And soon I turn 36. On my eighteenth birthday (1986) I changed my name to David. That means David is turning eighteen.

I thought of emailing my ex-wife this year. Another five years, why not? But I couldn’t figure out why, either, so I haven't. Recently she had her first child, a son. He lives. His name has the same number of letters as Calvin’s, has four out of six of the same letters as Calvin’s, and sounds like Calvin, if you say it while holding your own tongue. Don’t blame me if I thought that was really weird. Though probably not nearly as weird as your imagining me worrying all that through.

Or any of the rest of it.

What’s In David’s iPod?
All Night
Sam Phillips
A Boot & A Shoe
(Christians need to get laid, too.)

Describe Your Art, Please. Do Not Panic.

More free publicity – check out nytheatre.com’s FringeNYC exclusive previews. It’s great, you only have to answer these three questions:

1. What is your show about?
2. Why should audiences see your show?
3. What can audiences expect when they see your show?

Toni and I fretted over the text for our preview piece (oh ... uhm, I mean Tommy did) for some time on Saturday. It’s not as easy as you might think.

But the results are very good - people get to go into some detail about their show in a way their one line on the FringeNYC site can’t. Suddenly I have a desire to see THE BICYCLE MEN or BROWNTOWN where I may not have considered them before.

And then there are those whose previews do not help at all, I am sorry to say. YOU WILL LAUGH!!! (they desperately wail) YOU WILL LAUGH AND LAUGH – OH GOD THIS WILL BE THE FUNNIEST THING YOU WILL EVER SEE !!!!!!!!! JESUS CHRIST THIS IS FUNNY, PLEASE, PLEASE BELIEVE ME!!!!!! AAAAUUUGGGGHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s only July, and I smell flop sweat.

As for me, us, our show … well, how is this; "You can expect to see a man talking about his dead child for an hour and ten minutes." Yes, I should have written that. Or how about, "You will not see him cry, he will never scream, you will not be made to feel uncomfortable, we really, really, really promise."

One of the things Toni (I mean Tom) really dislikes about what … our company submitted is the use of the word "acceptance." It suggests we are all right with Calvin’s death, or that we are "over it." I suggested other words and phrases like "acquiesce" or "surrender" or "give in."

Other words … Tom avoided using in the preview (and would have recommended to others, had they asked) were poignant, uplifting, heal and laugh.

Oh and "resigned," that was another good one we threw out. We also made sure we did not suggest our play is a musical.

THE FUTURE ... and the past

Toni went to see Fahrenheit 9/11 last night. She was impressed by a number of things - and by impressed I mean it left an emotional impression on her – but the one which is most relevant in this context was his handling of the attack in New York itself. This is probably old news by now, but he leaves the screen black, with just the sound of the planes striking the Towers.

Seeing the image of that horrible occurrence – again – is unnecessary to revisit the horror, the grief, the sadness, the helplessness, all of it.

I have a scene in my play called THE FUTURE, which details my reaction to those events. September 11 was almost six months after we lost Calvin. We were going through our own grief process, and suddenly, so was absolutely everyone else. And new trauma, even entirely unrelated trauma, can rip open old wounds. I tried to write about that in a way that made sense to my audience.

That worked in Cleveland. And Minneapolis. But I didn't think it would work in New York. Not the way I had written it. I invite the audience in; yes, we were all on the same page for a moment, you were with me then. Because my audiences to date weren’t there, they were watching it on t.v or listening on the radio, as I was.

So I have rewritten it. And rewritten it. I have been trying to make it work. Without sounding apologetic. Without sounding provincial. Without sounding petty, or insensitive or super-self-absorbed. I lost a child. I do not know if I will be addressing someone who lost a brother or a parent – or a child – in those attacks.

And I hate that. I hate defining this part of my play by what I do not want it to be.

This is where Toni’s experience with Michael Moore’s film comes in. She says it’s best to be honest. Just tell my audience what’s happened, what I meant to say, and say that.

I am strongly considering doing that. Just throwing the thing out, turning up the house lights, explaining the situation and moving on.

This is a shame, because as it is THE FUTURE has one of the biggest laughs in the show. And as a performer, I am trying to figure out how to keep as much funny as I can. But as the playwright, I need to figure out how best to serve the story.

Amazing how controversial this one scene is. I guess that makes sense. Some find its inclusion a distraction from Calvin’s story, but it isn’t his fault he had to die in 2001.

What’s In David’s iPod?
A Little Less Conversation
Elvis Presley (JXL Radio Edit Remix)
Elvis 30 #1 Hits
(Yes. Cheese. I know.)

Road Trips

Toni and I love road trips. It is a little stunning to me to learn that the loss of Flight 800 was eight years ago today. On July 18, 1996 we took off for Maine via Canada – with stops in Niagara Falls, Toronto, Montreal, Quebec City and onto Friendship, MA – and our first meal on the road was at this great bar and grill in western New York, by the Canadian border. The crash was all over the t.v.

This time four years ago we were in the middle of our first (and to date, only) drive into the South. Not the Deep South, but we drove down to Memphis, east to the Outer Banks, and back home via Monticello and Athens. It was a big, three-week trip. It was supposed to be our last great voyage before our first child was born. But things rarely turn out how you plan.

Memphis was a real shock. I never understood Elvis until I got to Graceland. No, I’m being serious. You would think someone who never really enjoyed old-time rock and roll would find the place overdone and tacky, some small-time hick’s idea of opulence. And I guess some of that racist b.s. still clanks around in the back of my head or I wouldn’t have been able to write that. But I found the place charming, innocent; a boy’s idea of what a mansion should be like. Folks mock the Jungle Room, but I think it’s hysterical – as in, I get the joke, Elvis, you’re all right. I wish I had a waterfall in my living room.

This Fringe is going to be different. One thing I am not looking forward to is all the time I will be spending away from Toni, that will be a first. She is going to stay home with Zelda, and fly in for the weekend. I will be entirely on my own in New York, which – apart from one weekend in October, 2001 – is something new. At least by staying at Erin’s I will be familiar with the neighborhood, it’s close to where Harris lives. I will know where to get coffee … well, hell, you can get coffee anywhere. But I won’t feel entirely like a rube.

I am hoping I will be so busy I won’t notice their absence. But even spending a few hours away from Zelda when directing AM REV drove me a little despondent. Hopefully it will keep me on the street, handing out flyers, talking up the show.

Details

I spent last night designing the program in an attempt to take care of last-minute things first.

Our theatermania.com page is up. There was a bit of "controversy" (the quotes are to suggest there wasn’t really that much controversy) regarding the "logo" (those quotes denote a certain confusion regarding the word logo – I think quotation marks are used far too "much" for too many "stupid" reasons.)

Warning:piddling details ahead.

I was asked for a 100x150 image to use as a graphic. I gave them a shot of me holding the empty shoes. But it was vertical and not horizontal, they wanted horizontal. But I have no shots that work horizontally – square, perhaps, but not horizontal. So I gave them the Big Shoes/Little Shoes shot, extracted from the larger, sitting portrait.

The editor at theatermania.com, Melissa McNall, said she could work with it. Her use of the word "work" (here I used quotes where I might otherwise italicize) suggested she wasn’t entirely happy with it.

When I opened the page last night, I discovered they had added text to the photo – "I Hate This" in some kind of ransom-note font. I felt sort of foolish, I didn’t know she meant they wanted text, I could have provided the "Chinese Rocks" font I use for all the other promotions, but I didn’t get it.

But you know, I don’t care. I like the graphic they came up with.

Invitations

Tech News

Just heard from Grundik Kasyansky, our Venue Director for the Next Stage.

Grundik! That totally rocks!

The other shows at the Next Stage during the Fringe are:

The End of the Line
Le Fromage de Mon Oncle
Gork! The Retard Always Wins
Tinh Ruot Thit
Scarlet Sees the Light
Show Ho
Two Johns
Black Martian
Common Knowledge
Haole (Pronounced How-Lee)
and
Haven: A New Play with Music about Refugees and America

Twelve shows. One venue. A delightful recipe for chaos.

What’s In David’s iPod?
Clark Gable
The Postal Service
"Give Up"
(Thanks for asking.)

Invitations

Question now is whether or not I can get an audience for the free performance of I Hate This on August 12. A happy send-off would be appreciated. A lot of folks have seen the show – and a lot have not. Yes, I discourage pregnant women and the husbands of same from attending (my show is like a roller-coaster in that way, among others) and I have known people who have experienced dicey situations with the births of their living children who simply do not want to see this, and I respect that, too.

But how do I reach those who I have met in my travels the past two years who have not had the opportunity or weren’t paying attention? Getting in touch with them has been occupying a great deal of my attention the past few days.

We went to "Zoo Parents’ Night" last night, because we are the adoptive parents of an Asian small-clawed otter at the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo. Usually it’s a thrill visiting the zoo after hours (the times are 6-9 pm – they do this once a year around Bastille Day) and we did have fun but it was odd because it was so dark, overcast and rainy. The girl had a ball.

This morning I cut my run short to scavenge a Little Tykes bike from someone’s trash and schlep it home – a bike just like the one at Turtle Park that she loves me to push her around on so much. It cleaned up very well.

What’s In David’s iPod?
Fit But Don’t You Know It
The Streets
A Grand Don't Come For Free
(Thanks for asking.)

Running

So yes, physical fitness is part of the game. I am an intermittent runner. Shame, I did not participate in the July 4th five-mile in Bay Village this year, AM REV had kept me from taking care of myself in any manner, whatsoever.

I have a dream that involves jogging every morning I am in NYC in Central Park. Wouldn’t that be lovely? Always wanted to do that. At Fringe ’01 two of us promised to do that together and neither of us ever did. Just too much staying up late, getting up late, and too many hot days.

The good people at Great Lakes Theater Festival have seen clear to rendering me unemployed for July and August, which is a blessing, as it means Toni can make up lost time at her job and I have been spending a great deal of extra time with Zelda.

And snacking. I need to be sure I can fit in my jeans for the show. Also, I don’t want to be caught off-guard when the time comes to do all the requisite walking that comes with spending time in a real city.

A few days ago Sarah asked for the notes from the Linklater vocal warm-up I used to lead people in during the Night Kitchen days. Damn. I wish I was that responsible ... I have resumed running, I will begin re-pounding the lines into my head today, do I have to care for my voice, too?

Julie

For two years, I have feared Julie.

As a subject in my play, Julie’s reaction has always been the one I have been most concerned about – more than I was of Henrik’s. This is because there is more of Julie than Henrik in I HATE THIS … but that, it would appear upon further reflection, probably has something to do with it. But I digress.

When I originally wrote the play, in mid-2002, I knew I would need to let her know she would be included, and by name, and perhaps in a not-too flattering manner.

When did I let her know? On August 26, 2002, the day of the very first staged reading.

It should be noted, more to my shame, that I was so concerned about how she would react to this news that I was blithely ignorant of the fact that the day before her daughter Alexandra had had her first birthday. And I plainly state the date of her birth in the play.

Julie took it in stride. She is used to being the subject of my writing. I neglected, however, to actually share the script with her.

Now, as a matter of great coincidence, Nick was at a New Year’s party thrown by a mutual friend of theirs – Nick and Julie’s. When they met, and he figured out who she was, in typical Nick fashion, his head exploded. Nick now has the unique experience of having met pretty much everyone in the play. After meeting Julie, Nick admonished me for not having shown her the play yet, and instructing me to do as soon as possible.

I waited until May.

And now she has read the script. I phoned her a short while ago. She praised the play, and was not offended. When I said I was performing it in Cleveland in August, she immediately started thinking of how she could bring the kids and manage to see it.

In college I wrote a comic strip. Julie says that while we were dating, she learned more about our relationship through that than from talking to me.

Along those lines, she was flattered at how much attention I had given her in what is such an important story to me.

First Production Meeting

Our first production meeting was last night. One of the great reliefs of this run is that so much of what is normally uncertain when undertaking a theatrical endeavor … isn’t. We can spend more time discussing parking, load-in and other technical concerns, rather than exactly what the rehearsal schedule is. That part’s easy – one rehearsal on Wednesday, Aug. 10, before the free preview performance at Dobama on Thursday. I just need to be sure I have the show worked back into my head before then, with all the little changes I have made since October.

One major topic last night was how to get the word to health care professionals in the NYC area. I used to concentrate on people who have coped with neo-natal demise, and I would still like them to come and hear the story, but the response I got at the Walker center last October from midwives, doctors and nurses was pretty amazing. They took it as a real education.

Fringe Shows

And I have already begun creating a list of shows I will want to see in New York. I wondered weeks ago if we would venture uptown to catch something on Broadway or elsewhere but given our schedule, I know I will be sticking to the Fringe. Still, there’s only one show, so far, I know I will be seeing:

Mossadegh
Writer:Michael Minn
Director: Michael Minn
In 1953, Iran had a democratically elected government. This is how the C.I.A. solved that problem. Driven by a power-pop score performed by a four-piece band, Mossadegh brings to life a pivotal moment in America foreign policy. Historical. Relevant. Loud.
0h 45m Local Drama Musical
www.mossadeghrocks.com

Yes, yes, yes, campers! Now that’s fringey goodness. Check out the website for MP3s of the songs. Rock on, Mossadegh!

And now for my next mood swing …

Lucky me.

SpinCycle is the marketing firm (is that what you call it?) that works with FringeNYC to get the word out about the shows. There are 220 shows this year. They no doubt send a great deal of time deciding which shows they feel afford more attention and which less

Ron Lasko is the main contact person for SC, and months ago he asked me to send a copy of the script. At the time I hoped that might be auspicious, but it was so long ago to me that I had forgotten. And then I did that girly-spaz thing two weeks ago where I panicked and sent some kind of pathetic email about "oh dear me, I missed a deadline, what do I DO?" He was very kind, he must get 100 of those a day.

What has happened, so far, is that he shared my show with the folks at theatermania.com, a prominent New York theater website, and one of their guys, Dan Bacalzo, was in touch with me today.

We had what I thought was one of my better interviews. He was asking me questions about how I came up with this, and what it is like to perform it, say, in front of relatives (more on that later) but also questions that were less weighted, like ‘why the New York Fringe?’ which I was only to thrilled to go on at length about – seeing as how that has so much to do with Toni and my relationship and how we started dating when she still lived there, and all kinds of sweet thoughts like that.

What I managed to avoid in this interview, which has proved very difficult, was defining the show in any way by what it is not. "It’s not depressing," I have said, or "I don’t cry or scream in it." These facts are true, but hardly selling points.

If it makes it in, Dan’s article will appear in their print version, which is dropped at locations all over Manhattan.

We are doing a lot of sweating over how we will rise above the hurly and get people in to see our show – I will no doubt bore any blog-followers with the finer points of promotion, but hey, that’s what I do – and this is going to be a great help.

Meanwhile …

Here is a public declaration of love to my brother Henrik, whom I worshipped as a child, and who has been a model of fatherhood to me. I would not be who I am without your strong, unwavering example, nor your wit, nor your faith.

If this play I have written has revealed anything to me, it is that people can change, life continues, and anything can be forgiven, if forgiveness is called for.

Workin' It
I am helping Sarah Morton promote her show in NYC. It is a shame we are going to entirely miss each other, our run will be through before hers even begins. Man, the New York Fringe is long. I will be designing her postcards and poster, and will help get the word out in advance of her arrival.

The show is 4 Minutes to Happy. See it.

Learned today that the folks from Inverse Theater will be on retreat the weekend of my performance, another drag. They came to catch AM REV in Cleveland a few weeks back and I was really looking forward to their checking this show out.

We have a space in Cleveland for a free, brush-up performance – Thursday, August 12 at Dobama. Thank heavens for Dobama, thank heavens for Joyce Casey.

Now, if we could only afford to get to New York …

The Schedule!
Great news – just got my schedule for NYC. Having worked on two Fringes already, I am wondering if this isn’t a superior schedule to those. My first performance isn’t until a Tuesday, but I learned in 2001 that opening the NYC Fringe is not auspicious. Not every one knows it’s happening yet, or has got it together to go. The opening shows act as promotion for those that follow.

So I have a solid second weekend run, with performances Thursday, Friday (late!), Saturday (prime time!) and Sunday (matinee!) It looks and sounds ideal. And with that Tuesday performance stands the only chance I have of getting a review of prominence. Not that I have much chance, not against Jonestown: The Musical or John Walker: The Musical or An Evening of Semi-Autobiographical, Highly Self-Indulgent Theater.

Actually, I made up one of those titles. Guess which one? Okay, no, I didn’t make up any of those titles.

And we are performing at THE NEXT STAGE which is in the Village, a million miles from Fringe Central. Actually, it’s only three—quarters of a mile, but it will feel like forever. Except – hey! We’re in the Village!

Things have gone a great deal more calmly today. Yesterday’s little hissy-fit came under control thanks to a little extra digging on my part, as well as some reassuring words from Sarah Morton. The fact is, the deadline fine-print read something like "You MUST have your press materials to SpinCycle no later than JUNE 5th – and failing that, well, they better be in by JULY 5th" or something to that effect.

We UPS’ed the promo mats, they arrived today. And you know, Ron at SC had asked for a copy of my script a month or so ago, did I send materials with it? See, I just need to take a few breaths. It’s already a hot summer for me.

Fortunately, the reviews for AM REV were largely positive. Now I spend all my nervous energy on this.

Publicity nightmare

Oh Jesus Christ, what a nightmare. What the hell is wrong with me? I have been so hideously distracted by THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION to keep my mind on anything else. There was a major FringeNYC press deadline two weeks ago and for some reason, I just missed it. Just wasn’t paying attention. That’s not like me.

God, I am stressed out. I feel like I am going into this with my head squarely up my butt. Again, that’s not like me. Last year it was all mapped out so carefully, and now I keep stumbling, every step of the way.

Letters from Professor D.'s Class

Hey Mr. Hansen,

My name is Kelly and I am in Jill D.'s Critical Writing course at NYU this summer. I was hoping you would answer a few questions for me concerning "I Hate This" and the New York Fringe Festival. As she mentioned we are writing a preview of the NYC Fringe Festival. Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

-So, the Fringe Festival received over 800 applications. Why do you think they chose to include "I Hate This" in the Fringe Festival line up? What will it add to the Festival?

-What are your thoughts about being included in the Fringe Festival? What are you most looking forward to?

-And lastly, the subject of "I Hate This" isn't one men usually discuss their feelings about. This has to add another dimesion to the subject. What do you hope audiences walk away from "I Hate This" with?

Thank you so much in advance for you time. I hope the summer months go well for you as you prepare for the NYC Fringe Festival. I look forward to hearing from you--no rush though.

Wishing you safe travels,

Kelly B.

Hey Ms. B.,

Your first question is a good one, though not one I am sure I can answer. I first became acquainted with the festival in 2000 when I happened upon it when visiting the city. Since then I attended again in 2001 as a participant (my wife Toni wrote a play produced in 2001, I was part of the crew) and have kept tabs on it as people I know were involved in ’02 and ’03. I am curious as to what their criteria really is.

I HATE THIS brings with it a brief history of praise – Fringe organizers say they are eager to find new, untested works, but must be influenced when a show has been met with critical acclaim in its original run, and I am glad to say this show has. But I have always worried about the content – Fringe shows can be so arch, so "out there." But it’s what I got now, if you know what I mean, I didn’t create this piece to hit the fringe circuit, and so I decided to take the risk. I am very glad that they have decided to take the risk, too.

What will it add to the festival? An element of surprise, I hope. Selling the show is hard work, I think people expect to hear some sob story, maybe I will do a lot of screaming, I don’t know. When I think of it, I wonder what kind of person would want to see that. What I think I provide is a story, one the largest number of my audience is unfamiliar with, and tell it in a way that they can understand what someone goes through when a child dies. And they laugh, too. Laughing is allowed.

I am greatly looking forward to being part of this festival. I have a love for New York that has a lot to do with my relationship with Toni and am always thrilled to return. And our participation in fringeNYC in 2001, while difficult, was an important step in our recovery. This play was inspired, in part, by the shows I saw there that year.

One of the things I am most looking forward to is the challenge of getting people in the seats. My experience at the Minnesota Fringe showed how successful it is to meet people and get flyers into their hands. A lot of the people I spoke to directly came to see the show. Festivals like these create such a great community and I am looking forward to being immersed in that.

Your last question is a very good one, and strikes to the heart of this show. If I thought I were saying something that had already been said, I may not have been moved to write it. But my experiences coping with neo-natal death were significantly different from those of my wife, and I was not surprised to see how the fathers are overlooked, their feelings dismissed – and the extent to which most men in my position dismiss their own feelings and allow themselves to be ignored.

I hope audiences come away from I HATE THIS with a better idea of what to do when people close to them loses someone, anyone. It’s always better to say something than nothing.

Thanks for the questions, please feel free to ask any others. If you don’t mind my asking, I would like to read your article when you have completed it.

David

Letters from Professor D.'s Class

Jyana at CPT put me in touch with a professor and freelance journalist in NYC who wanted to get her students in touch with Fringe performers. I snapped at the opportunity.

Here is one letter - I thought they were very good questions.

Mr. Hansen,

I am a student in Jill D.'s Critical Writing class and I have a few questions I would like to ask you about "I HATE THIS" for the article we are writing in class.

1. Why did you decide to make it a solo performance?
2. How did you prepare to play a dozen or more characters? Did you have any difficulties, and also what are the pluses to a solo performance?
3. How does it make you feel to be performing a show about an uneasy topic like this at an International Festival?

Thank you so much for your time, I really appreciate it. The article isn't due until the 22nd of June so you don't have to respond immediately if you are busy. Thanks again.

Michelle L.

Michelle,

In 2001 my wife Toni had a play in the New York Fringe. It was a play she had written and had produced the previous year, before our son Calvin died, and returning to it, and returning to New York City (where she spent her late teens and early twenties) was its own part of our healing experience. I was running sound for the thing, and so did not have as much emotional or physical investment in the show itself, and spent a lot of time catching as many other Fringe shows as I could.

On our drive home I had a lot of time to just roll everything I had seen around in my head. And it was on the trip home that I got the first idea of writing this play. I think I even surprised myself, thinking something like "Oh God, you’re going to write a play about this, aren’t you?" Like I was ashamed, at first, to even think about turning what was, at that point in time, a very traumatic experience, and a fresh wound. But that’s what writers do, and all the time.

I had seen a number of solo shows at the ’01 Fringe, and some were very, very good. I had experience directing someone else in their solo perf. A few years earlier. Someone said to me at that time – David, you should write a one-man show for yourself. And my response was, what the hell do I have to say for an hour, about anything? Finally, I guess, I did.

But why a solo performance as opposed to a traditional play – the show is much like my journal, performed. That sounds terrible, doesn’t it? But I did write more personal stuff in that year than I ever had, and using it as the basis for the story, I am able to communicate the immediate feelings that come with this kind of shock, and this kind of grief. And as I am simply recounting what I went through, a direct-address, solo performance made sense.

Preparing for the different characters was easy. I don’t think they are astounding changes in character, it’s not like that guy in "I Am My Own Wife" I do not inhabit these other characters as much as … well, it’s like when some people tell stories, they like to impersonate the people they are talking about? It’s like that, taken to an extreme. The most challenging bit is when I have an extended conversation between myself and my own brother. But they tell me it works quite well. Because most of these characters are people who are so close to me, performing them comes more naturally then I would have thought before attempting it.

One major difficulty I had was with the one non-white character in the play. There is a nurse in this story, based, with no exaggeration, on an actual nurse we had while we were in the hospital. She was a terrible nurse. And my performance, in the early stages, was what I would call accurate, and not some cartoon. But it was apparent that she was of a different race, and that made people uncomfortable, and I didn’t blame them when they told me. So I changed her, the way she said things, the way her voice sounds – I didn’t want anyone to misunderstand what I was trying to say. And though I do not have a problem with altering certain aspects of the story to make them fit into a coherent tale, that bothers me. Because it doesn’t sound like her.

One of the pluses of a solo performance, especially this one, is that it is not at a "remove." I think it would feel stranger to watch people tell this story, with me standing outside of it. The audience knows it’s me, and I believe that makes it easier to watch, and not harder.

As for your last question, it was strange performing it last year in Minnesota. I was used to having a large number of people who knew me or knew who I was when performing it in Cleveland. In Minneapolis this was not the case at all, and when their reactions were muted (a lot of the show is humorous – but no one laughed) I was distressed … until a local pointed out the whole polite Minnesotan thing. You know, they don’t laugh at anyone else’s misfortune. I don’t know how accurate that is, but it put me at ease a little.

The fact is, in spite of its subject matter, I am always delighted to perform this show. And bringing it to New York, and not only because of its origins, is particularly special to me. Toni has such a connection to this city. When we began dating she still lived there, and we return often. And the city played an important part in our journey out of grief. The scene I mentioned where I have a conversation with my brother takes place at the Cloisters.

It will be a hard sell, it always is. Who wants to see a show about stillbirth? But I have always received such a strong, positive response from my audience – my company and I just need to hit the street early and talk folks into our show like everyone else.

I hope my answers are helpful to you, and I would be happy to read your article if that is all right. And feel free to ask any other questions if you need to.

Best wishes,
David

NYIFF Shows
FringeNYC has put the comlete list of shows on their website. Sarah's show, "4 Minutes to Happy" tops the list - everone credits me for being good at p.r., but I must remember to begin the title of my next play with a digit.

Only 3 show titles begin with the first-person singular pronoun "I". I don't know what the average is. Only recognize one show from Minnesota, one with a most unfortunate title. I won't mention it.

Writers and Their Friends

(click on letter at right to enlarge)

Every two years, the Poets’ and Writers’ league of Greater Cleveland holds an event wherein they honor some twenty-five members of the Cleveland writing community.

I was informed several months ago that I would be one of those chosen this time.

This evening was the performance. It’s an odd event, Toni and I got to attend in 2002 when she was getting her Masters at CSU. Then the theme was "Garden Party". Everyone on stage at the Drury Theatre at the Cleveland Playhouse was wearing light, summery outfits and hats.

The event features Cleveland-area celebrities, from television and radio and print, as well as a few actors, who do dramatic readings of bits of the selected works. The writers themselves have no input on what is read or who reads it or anything else, we are only to show up and watch.

I had to admit was not envious of whoever was going to be reading from my show. I don’t mind the idea of others reading my script out loud, but who would want to? I mean, it’s pretty personal stuff. Toni and I made jokes about who might be asked to read it, jokes I would rather not share publicly, even though they were pretty funny, two glasses of cheap white wine notwithstanding.

The theme for this year, held in the Bolton, was "Funeral". Quite apt, as it turned out, as a good two-thirds of the pieces chosen were about death, including, of course, mine. It was like a big joke, every reader making some smart comment to the bereaved before beginning their piece. It actually worked much better than the garden-thing.

I was surprised to see that the one politician on the roster, Sherrod Brown, U.S. Representative, was going to be reading my piece. And he read it very well, it was quite moving. It is hard for me to assess the experience entirely, I don’t even remember if anyone applauded, I was feeling terribly self-conscious, and hated myself for it. He read "Rocking Chair", which is perhaps the most upsetting scene from the play, at least to me.

We spoke briefly after the show. He checked to see if we live in his district (we don’t) and I got to tell him I am taking this show to the NY Fringe. I need to remember to send him a copy of the entire script, he only got to read this bit.

I have sent in my registration materials – we are off for the Fringe. Something that needed to be done immediately (in addition to getting a money order for a large sum of cash) was to put together a crew for the festival. They like to know who is involved a head of time.

Most importantly, we needed an ACR or Authorized Company Representative. Someone who would be in charge of all communication with the festival. You would think that person would be me, but it must be someone who has nothing to do with running the show itself, when the time comes. Someone who can stand in the house, in case of emergency. Someone to do, in effect, nothing.

Luckily, Brian has signed on for this position, which is great. He got to sit out the MN Fringe, keeping tabs on us using the website and through other means. This time he gets to experience it.

Kelly Elliott has agreed to stage manage. This will be the second NY Fringe show she has SM’ed – she also did so for ANGST:84.