"Warp your mind, curve your spine and lose the war for the allies."

When I was in fifth grade I was stuck on this book called I, Trissyby Norma Fox Mazer. It's a fictional journal, told from the point of view of an adolscent girl and her new (manual, of course) typewriter.

My obsession probably stemmed from 1) my fascination with anything that explains the inner workings of the female mind, 2) its frank and harrowing description of what it is like to watch your parents separate, which, at that point in time, only my best friends' parents had done and so it had a perverse fascination for me and 3) its colorful use of obscenities.

Also, I think the typography appealed to me, appearing as it did like poorly typewritten pages, complete with typos and a creative use of ========+++++!!!!!!!@@@@@@@@$$$$$$$$#########!!!!!!!!!!s.

So, of course, I was inspired to use our own manual typewriter to empty my head and write whatever the f*** I wanted with it, even about dark, personal issues and other b***s***. And that urge has never gone away.

Once my brother Henrik was in my room (this would have put him in ninth grade) and saw one of my "articles" replete with Carlin's Seven Words You Can't Say On Television (oh, and, yeah, Denny had a copy of that albumand I had been listening to it - I didn't understand it, but I listened to it) and said to me in that voice (if you've seen the show, you know the voice) "I don't want to see this ever again."

You know, it's better than that - I was in the middle of asking him a question, as part of this comedy routine I was recording on a cassette player when he gave me that little reprimand. That's why I remember it so well, I have it on tape.

I was ten. I wasn't quick enough to say, "Stay away from my desk, you never have to see it again."

I got a very kind email today from Jennifer D. at Akron City Hospital today about the performance there on Oct. 6. She had an evaluation for me, and the thing that struck me the most were the comments about language. I have gone back and forth about certain words I use in the show, but in spirit of realism (i.e.: what really happened) there are some I don't change.

However, on that very hot afternoon - 80+ degrees in the room, and the a/c was broken - I could feel a discernable chill when I uttered the "c" word. And from that point on I started censoring some of the more colorful language. Not that my show is foul, you understand, but you know, some people would rather you say "poo" or nothing at all.

The radio version has been entirely bowdlerized, but at least I wasn't doing it on the fly.

I don't know. The show went over well, most respondents got something out of it, and our hosts were excellent. And I know these comments are just going to piss all of you off.

... So I'll include all of them.

Awesome.
Difficult to follow. Boring.
All the programs were excellent.
Good but way too long!
David Hansen too long - lost my interest.
David - amazing!
"I Hate This" - Remarkable.
Good play but too long.
I did not appreciate the use of certain cuss words beginning with the letter "C"! It was not necessary!
Mr. Hansen, excellent - heartfelt.
Play was good but dragged a little too long.
David Hansen - bring him back - others need to see!!
The last guy did a great job - could have done without the swearing, esp the 3 times he used God's name in vain.
Thank you (David Hansen) for teaching us more.
Suggestions: Like uplifting things better than sad at the end of program.

Seriously, that was the last comment. Let's keep it light.

Remember, these are nurses. Go nuts, people.