Please Kill Me

I have been getting the worst migraines - or is that redundant? I believe there was period in my life when I did not have a debilitating headache once every one or two weeks, but I can't remember when that was. I do remember doing my performance at LaCentre in Oct. 2004 with a nasty headache - and usually they go away when I am distracted for a prolonged period of time, but this time it did not.

I woke feeling weak yesterday, and by the time I needed to go to work it had progressed to the point of nausea. I called in ill, and got in bed until 9 pm. It was not an easy day of lying in bed, it was a day of convulsions, periods of weeping, and no food or drink. When Toni did bring me water and noodles, I knew it would make me sick - I had a sip of one, a bite of the other, lay down for a moment and the ran straight to the bathroom.

It troubles me that this has been happening more frequently. Is it stress-related? What stress? Lack of sleep? Big deal. Dehydration, our new bed, dust mites, President Bush, what?

Zelda has learned compassion. Previously, it had been a major effort getting her to leave Toni or I alone when are ill or resting. Yesterday she would come in on occasion and check on me, tell me how things are going, talk in hushed tones. Once, when Kelly and Orson had an accident in the hallway (it sounded like he'd been dropped down the stairs - nothing of the sort happened, it was just a number of loud thumps and cries and my ugly imagination) I leapt out of bed and held it together to make sure everything was all right, when Zelda came up, took me by the hand, and led me back to bed with a baby doll to keep me company.

Still very shaky today, but happy to be alive.